


Seldra's Tribulation

by mydarksidelovesthis



Series: Botmother [6]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Action, Captivity, Fanfiction of a Fanfiction, Fights, Multi, Non-Con Cuddling, Non-con touching, Original Character(s), POV First Person, POV Original Female Character, Robot/Human Romance, Slow Burn, Starscream is Evil Prankster Villain, Threat of Rape/Non-Con, actually very evil, not evil just misunderstood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:28:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24585328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydarksidelovesthis/pseuds/mydarksidelovesthis
Summary: After her escape from captivity, Seldra ends up with the Decepticons at the Autobot base of Diego Garcia. She has difficulty fitting into an environment where not everyone wants to kill her, but the Decepticons are not far away anyway.
Relationships: Megatron & Se-eldra Sadr'khor (OC), Patchwork (Transformers OC) & Se-eldra Sadr'khor (OC), Patchwork (Transformers OC) / Se-eldra Sadr'khor (OC), Starscream & Se-eldra Sadr'khor (OC)
Series: Botmother [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622833
Comments: 6
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Seldras Prüfung](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24584113) by [mydarksidelovesthis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydarksidelovesthis/pseuds/mydarksidelovesthis). 



> Dear Reader,
> 
> I wrote a fanfiction of a fanfiction, which is the fanfiction of another fanfiction, because Internet is awesome.
> 
> This is my take on the Signature series from Arabis, more concretely roughly the story from Signature on Diego Garcia and Signature - Tribulations on the Nemesis.
> 
> I replaced Sam by my OC and similar things happen differently. It's like a what-if exploration of her story.
> 
> Kind Regards  
> My Dark Side Enjoys This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seldra meets the Autobots again. Both sides have imagined things a little differently.

I stagger out of the light, my right hand still pressed against the bleeding wound on my lower left rib.

As my eyes get used to the light, I find myself in a room crammed with strange measuring instruments, half-dismantled components and glass flasks with colorful liquids bubbling before me - the laboratory of a mad scientist. That's the last thing I currently need.

That scientist I spot at the control panel for the bridge - a two-legged Cybertronian with a collection of different swiveling magnifying glasses on his face and something like colorful glowing fins on his head. I recognize the Autobot insignia on his chest - dang.

He stares at me in surprise and the light behind me goes out. The energy I fed to the space bridge from the Allspark in my body has been used up. Good, nobody will follow me.

I catch myself quicker than him and want to ask whether this is the Earth, but I do not make a sound. A voice comes up in the back of my head. I'm not a Decepticon. You don't want me as an enemy. No, I can't talk to him. Instead, I take a few steps towards the exit.

"How did you get here?" he finally asks and his gaze wanders down my body. "You're hurt. Do you need help?"

He comes towards me.

"Stay away from me." But the effort is too much, the blood loss of my human body reaches a level that is unbearable. A normal human would have fainted at this moment, but I transform instead - a new survival reflex protects my human body. From the slit on my upper body the metal breaks out, enveloping my human flesh. I take on a new shape, that of a four-legged Cybertronian with a long tail, while my human half goes into hibernation until things improve. My front claws click on the ground as I set them down.

The Autobot stares at me in surprise again.

This time I have a better idea. I jump up to him, my tail tip leaps forward to his neck. The tip fibres itself into fine ends that make their way into him and make contact with the cables that run down his neck. I install a loop in his memory, limited to ten hours. Motionless he falls to the ground and I release the contact. That should give me enough time to get out of here before he can tell anyone else about me.

I leave the room and find myself on a long corridor. Doors branch off to the left and right, but I only see artificial light. Where have I landed here? Why did I end up here? How do I get out of here?

"Stop! Don't move!"

On the left, men pull guns out of their holsters. What is this place? Since it's people, most likely one on Earth.

So I run to the right. Let them shoot; their ridiculous bullets would bounce off my smooth case. I sprint around a corner - more corridors, more doors.

In the distance I hear the sound of engines. I stop at a door and want to pick the lock with the tip of my tail, but instead it has an electronic lock that works contactlessly. I try to send commands to the lock, but it doesn't respond. I am not trained for this nonsense and I am losing precious time.

I am just about to run away again, when the men come running around the corner. I would be able to deal with them, if it wasn't for the sound of an approaching vehicle braking and transforming behind me.

Oh Primus, please don't let it be a military one with a cannon. I turn around slowly so as not to provoke a reaction. It is a military Autobot with a cannon. I even know this one: Bumblebee. Damn, he's fast. I have no mean against him. I consider taking some evasive action, but already I hear more engine noises and a silver Autobot I don't know builds up behind me and blocks my way.

"Freeze!" he shouts and exposes his swords. I don't have any mean against swords either. I can only run around and dodge. "Servos up! And shut up."

I obediently straighten up from my four-legged position and put my claws up. I can't make a sound right now anyway.

But instead of coming closer to arrest me, they look at me confused. I reconsider my escape plans as a yellow ambulance arrives behind the silver one and transforms into Ratchet.

"Can you make the screaming stop?" the silver one asks the medic.

What screaming? I can't hear anyhing.

Ratchet mumbles something, then turns to me. "Can you stop that, or I'm gonna have to take over for you."

Now I'm confused. "Stop what?"

But instead of answering, the machine inside me shuts down. I transform and sink to the floor with a faint scream, my right hand pressed against my almost-dry wound. This should not happen - my human body is not in the condition to hold out on its own for much longer. Colorful spots dance before my eyes.

"Primus, it's Sara!" Ratchet shouts, whereupon the silver one turns to him. "Sara? The girl with the Allspark?" Ratchet ignores him and steps to me.

"Stay away from me" I yell, before the blood loss takes my consciousness.

I wake up in a soft bed, confused and most importantly, still ready to fight. First I knock the blanket away and jump onto the cold floor with bare feet. In my consciousness someone has taken care of my injury, as a generous bandage around my torso tells me, besides I am now wearing a kind of hospital gown. The injury burns dull like a fire under a blanket of snow.

The machine does not respond. Usually I constantly perceive data streams that the processor exchanges with my brain and at the latest when I concentrate on it I should get a response, but it is silent and motionless as if I was alone in my head like an ordinary person. Doesn't matter, this happens occasionally and it takes a few days or weeks until it comes back online by itself. My fighting spirit is in the human half. My feeling is that more than ten hours have passed by, so the other Autobot should have come back online.

I am in a hall, here I see several large berths with tool assemblies above them, hanging on flexible stands above the berths. The tools seem flexible and delicate - Cybertronian technology, I would recognize among the technologies of thousands of alien species. My bed is the only one with human dimensions - set up especially for me. Ratchet works at a workbench on the wall, with his back to me.

While I'm still thinking about sneaking quietly to the door, he lifts his head and turns around in surprise. "Hey, I put you in stasis lock."

I don't recall hearing the term before, but I understand he took my machine half offline. Insolence. How am I supposed to fight with my bare hands? How am I supposed to run, fly, catch bullets? As a human, all that is troublesome.

Let's get out of here. Keeping an eye on Ratchet I take a few steps backwards, but he makes no attempt to stop me, so I run for the door. Which cannot be opened. It has no ordinary lock. As I remember in the hallway there is a surface waiting for a contactless signal. Without my machine skills I can't get any further in here.

"Sara" says Ratchet in a voice relatively soft for him. "Stay here until you feel better and you can control yourself."

What's he talking about? I'm in control of myself. I'm the only thing that I have under control.

"My name is Seldra" I correct him coldly. "You must mistake me for a girl who died on Cybertron." Indifferent and distant, as if I had nothing to do with all if this, I add, while looking for a manual emergency opening: "The Decepticons sawed her open to get the Allspark out of her, there was blood everywhere, really brutal, just be glad you weren't there to see it." As if I was saying: This is all your fault for not doing your job. Where were you when the Deceptcons took me? Where were you in all those months on Cybertron when I had to learn to use my new machine abilities and stand up against the Decepticons?

I am not a Decepticon. You don't want me as an enemy. What am I doing here, I shouldn't even be talking to him. "Open the door."

Of course he doesn't. Disappointed I cross my arms in front of my chest and give the door an offended look, then I start to run down the walls looking for more exits.

"You still radiate the energy of the Allspark" he remarks. "Don't fool me."

I ignore him and try out the next door. This is... some kind of storage room. However, I will continue my exploration, just to be sure.

In a soft, unusually understanding voice, Ratchet says "It's all right, you're safe here. Let me help you." Safe, how ridiculous. Autobots are at war with the Decepticons. I'm in their enemy base. It's the most unsafe place in the universe.

"I don't need your help."

Silence. I avoid looking at him to read his reaction. Their help did not prevent my abduction. On Cybertron I learned to cope on my own. If I hid somewhere until my injury healed, everything would be fine.

No, it would not. Although the excitement of arriving here has caused me to exceed the amount of blood I can lose. But in my condition I would have needed a hiding place that would provide food, water and warmth so that I wouldn't have to struggle with that. I probably would not have found that. But I think I would have managed somehow.

There's a sigh coming from Ratchet's ventilation system. "You seem surprisingly well again. Later I will let someone bring you some food. Optimus wants to talk to you afterwards."

"I'm not talking to Optimus."

"Why not?"

I made it through the whole room. There's no way out. "I'm not talking to Autobots, especially not Optimus. I'm not here."

After a statement like that, there's usually some annoying rolling of the optics, so I don't even have to look at him.

"You ... have become difficult" he says. Oh, if he only knew.

I'm bored and I make gymnastics through the hall, always ready for a fight, catching critical comments from Ratchet. My bed is the only one of its kind, the other beds are still too high in the air for my condition. With bare feet I balance over the bedstead and almost fall down when a slight dizziness overcomes me.

"Stop it" orders Ratchet. "You should rest."

I can't just lie still and wait. The bed is so temptingly comfortable, I can't handle it, it's like it's inviting me to die in it. "The machine is offline, so my human body has to be ready." Without my radio module I can't pick up the Decepticons' general communications. Where they make fun of me, talk about my weaknesses, my mistakes. I don't know if they know about my presence here, if they are even looking for me on Earth or if they are already standing outside the door and demanding that I surrender before they storm the place and tear it down. This uncertainty is driving me crazy.

"You're safe here from the Decepticons."

"That's what you said last time."

I'm gonna be hearing that sighing a lot more in the near future. He'll get used to it.

"Rest now or I have to sedate you."

I crouch on the edge of the bedstead, but he wants me to lie down in the bed. After a brief discussion, he approaches with a syringe and I prefer to give in. The thought of not knowing what's happening to me is unbearable. The bed is so horribly soft and boring. I can't relax. If I could at least access my system, I could do some simulations and there do what I want in a safe environment.

Later a man comes along and brings me a bowl of soup and some crackers. Finally, something happens. I am constantly tossing and turning in bed because every position presses somewhere after a short time. I stare at the man silently, think about what I could say - oh dear, a person, one who doesn't point a gun at me, maybe I should say something, at least hello - but I don't make a sound until he has disappeared again. Only half on the edge I can hear him holding a card to the door opener, but I am too far away to read the communication between the devices.

"You've lost a lot of weight since I last saw you" Ratchet tells me. "No one can see this tragedy. Didn't Decepticons feed you enough?"

They didn't feed me anything, they let me run free so I could take care for myself, unlike you, I reply in thought, but I don't feel like talking to him about it. Curiously I look at the bowl containing a watery broth, lift it under my nose and enjoy the smell. The smell of various spices, pepper, salt, chicken and vegetables. All ingredients I could only dream of on Cybertron. It takes a functioning society to produce such things, division of labor, global trade. That's the smell of civilization. Yes, I'm back on Earth, my home. Tears of joy come to me. I try to hide them.

I put the bowl to my lips before I remember that there's such a thing as spoons, but who needs them?

The broth stimulates my taste buds like an orchestra, so many different flavors and components combined in one sip. That's the taste of luxury. Probably no one can understand it but me.

Ratchet looks strangely at my reaction. "Is there anything wrong with the soup?" He approaches to have a look.

"It's wonderful." I turn the bowl away from him so he doesn't get the idea of taking it away from me. I can't help but feeling grateful.

My refusal might as well have been expressed to the wall. Shortly thereafter, Optimus enters the hall to speak with me. In a short-circuit reaction I jump out of bed and take cover behind one of the high berths, which earns me a reprimand from Ratchet.

"Sara."

My back is to Optimus. My hiding place behind the narrow stilts of the berth is ridiculous and purely symbolic. Damn, that's Optimus, leader of the Autobots. I lived with his enemies for a year. One time Megatron called me to talk to Optimus per telecommunication. I wanted to tell him everything, how they made me feel at every occasion what they thought of allies of the Autobots. How they made fun of me, tricked me, snitched on me, and if I was punished, beat me up in the arena. But Megatron stood beside me and I had learned to swallow my feelings and to not show any weakness that anyone could use against me. So I had smiled at Optimus and said everything was okay. How should I talk to him now? I can't talk to him. It's like Megatron is still standing mutely in the background, listening.

"I'm sorry, I failed to negotiate your release. I am glad you have returned. Sara, look at me."

Nervously, I wring my hands. It's uncomfortable. No, I have not returned.

"Sara, what is wrong with you?"

Embarrassing silence.

"She's been so strange all this time" Ratchet chips in. "She says she doesn't talk to Autobots."

"Sara." I can hear Optimus talking to my direction. "What did the Decepticons do to you?"

"My name is Seldra" I tell the air before me. The tension is making me sick. I can't hear that name anymore.

"Very well." He says, but I can hear the disappointment in his voice. I know that tone only too well, especially from vocal processors. "I understand this is a sudden adjustment after all you've been through. "Take all the time you need. Let me know when you're ready to talk to me."

After he leaves, I let Ratchet drive me back to bed.

Soon, an older man with grey hair and a stern look appears beside my bed. Literally, I didn't hear him coming. How embarrassing. If this had happened to me on Cybertron, I'd be in trouble now.

"Come on up, I need to change your bandages" he barks. Well, he's in a bad mood, but as long as he's not trying to kill me, I don't care.

"Okay." Obediently I sit on the edge of the bed and let him do as he pleases. The wound that appears under the bandage is crusty, the dressing only slightly yellowed. "It looks like the Decepticons tried to saw you open" he complains, and is right on target. Actually, that was the second attempt.

I laugh "Don't worry. The culprit will never do it again." The man gives me a long look as he realizes what I mean before he goes on to examine the wound. "The Allspark speeds up your wound healing by sealing open wounds with Cybertronian metal. It is not reversible. If you don't want to become a full machine, you should stay out of fights." Yes, boss. Like I can change anything as long as the Allspark remains happily nested inside me.

"Have they done this often? Are the other scars on your arms and back also from it? "No", I answer dryly. "Only this one on my upper body and now that at the bottom of my ribs." The others were made to fit my transformation, but unless he asks more precisely, I don't see why I should give a precise answer. Besides, I don't like to discuss my transformation with anyone, it's scary enough and I'd rather not think about it.

I can't help but find the treatment superfluous, given that I had to get along without medical care most of the time on Cybertron. The sessions with the doctor, whose purpose it was to get the Allspark out of me, I don't consider medical care, despite its name. Only once, when I could no longer transform and the doctor refused to touch me under the circumstances, they kidnapped an Autobot medic to fix me. Patchwork was the only one that had met me with sincere kindness in all these months, a warming candle flame in the cold metal world. He did his job quickly and well - and then they killed him. I get angry just thinking about it. So from then on, I refused any medical help, or if there was a problem, I acted as if everything was fine, so that the event would not repeat.

Finally a fresh, blossom-white bandage glows around the middle of my body and the doctor hands me two paper cups. One contains water. I just take a quick look into the other one, which contains two pills. "No, thanks."

"That is an order" the doctor replies grimly. "I don't want to listen to your screaming when the painkillers wear off." Tz, ridiculous. On Cybertron, I had to go without painkillers. Decepticons consider painkillers a weakness. "I need my senses together. If you're lucky, my systems will come back online before the pain sets in, then I can take care of it myself." And I do it in specific areas of my body, in precise doses.

He looks at me uncomprehendingly. "You have a module that blocks your pain transmission?" "Uh, yes?" I haven't thought about the details yet, but that's the closest thing I've got.

The man nods. "Fine. But you're still gonna have to take the antibiotic. Your immune system is no longer accustomed to Earth's microbes." That makes sense to me and I accept the compromise.

"Get some more rest." No sooner does he step behind the curtain than his footsteps cease abruptly, as if he had vanished into thin air. How curious.

"I'm releasing you from stasis lock" Ratchet tells me. "Even if it is difficult for you", he rolls his optics, "tell me if you feel bad. Are you ready?"

I nod. My system comes online, one by one my sensors report. I'm happy, but at the same time I find the thought disturbing that Ratchet can apparently switch it off at will, I've never experienced anything like it. Even though I can hardly hold a candle to anyone in battle, I prefer to use my machine body for this purpose rather than my bare hands.

I'll start by running a system check. Memory's responding. Weapons, jet engines, transformation module respond positively to my status request. For a complete test I would have to transform and unfold my systems one by one, I don't feel like it while Ratchet is watching. The sensors that measure my body functions look good, I probably got a blood transfusion during my unconsciousness. The radio module is also responding and I'm receiving various cell phone signals in the area, but no Decepticon messages, so I suspect we're either underground or otherwise shielded.

I'm just about to load my home simulation when Ratchet interrupts me, "Stop it." I drop it and wonder what's bugging him. Nobody notices what I'm doing on my inner system.

"Would you please not do that?"

I look at him wondering, I don't know what he means.

"This is not the right time. Please do as I say or I'll have to do it for you."

I grimace in complete confusion.

"All right, you don't want it any other way." Nothing happens. "I can't let you run around if you can't follow even the simplest instructions. How do you feel?" he wants to know.

I feel treated unfairly. At least on Cybertron I knew what I was being scolded for, even if I didn't agree. "Um, good? I have access to all functions again."

He gives me a long, silent look. "I've just shut down all communication channels.

I take a look at the data streams from my radio module. There's a bunch of packets from a short message service streaming down the hall. "No?" However, I will refrain from sending anything.

Ratchet suspiciously crosses his arms over his chestplate. "So? What am I sending you?"

"Nothing?"

"So you don't have all functions" he replies angrily. "Sara. Seldra ... I'm responsible for your well-being, but I can't work with you if you don't answer honestly. I am not asking you to tell me about your experiences on Cybertron if it makes you uncomfortable, but I can expect you to give me honest feedback about your functions, can't I?"

My cheeks are burning with shame. I have no idea what he means. All my systems are responding correctly and I definitely didn't receive any data packets from him.

Maybe if I sent something, he could receive it, but I only have access to the Decepticon public channel, which the Autobots can't possibly read. Ah, that's probably the problem. He's broadcasting something on their Autobot channel or whatever they have.

He's waiting for my response. I don't like to talk to anybody about my functions and obviously I can't with him. "From my perspective, I have all the functions and you haven't sent anything" I claim.

"Well, from my point of view I did send you something" he replies. "I see your systems in front of me and I've blocked your network, so who do you think I believe?"

This confuses me. What kind of network is he talking about? My radio module? The connections between my systems?

"Fine, whatever you say." In a gesture of desperation, he throws the servos in the air. "Then I'll leave the blockade in place so at least the others will have peace before you."

That doesn't make sense. I'm the most annoying being on Cybertron, whether I access my system or not. No one is at peace before me as long as I breathe and walk around.

Not much time passes before I get another visitor. Normally I would find it annoying that someone always wants something from me, but this time I am so bored that I welcome the change.

I notice immediately that he wants to come to me as he enters and I hear the steps that are heading straight to my bed. Ratchet is busy at his workbench and does not pay any attention to us. The man in his mid-forties with a sharply cut face is wearing a white cowboy hat on his black hair, a red blouse and a blue shirt underneath. Oh, did they send me an attractive man to sound me out.

Before he reaches my bed, I transform - it takes a bit longer than usual because the bandage is in the way - crawl down from the bed like a lizard and stand up in front of him on my hind legs to my full size to look down on him. His blue eyes seem friendly, interested. He is not afraid of me. Too bad.

I lower myself down on my front claws, sneak around him like a cat, as if I was looking at him from all sides, and then pretend to be disinterested by crawling back into bed under the blanket and transform. Demonstratively I look in the other direction. I have not spoken to another person for so long that I almost feel overwhelmed.

"Hello", he says and taps his hat to greet me. "So your name is Seldra? Do you mind talking to me a little?"

Oh Primus, a person who wants to talk to me. I suppress my enthusiasm and answer dryly. "Did the Autobots send you here to interrogate me?"

"Yes, they think since you won't talk to them, I'll take my chances." Oh, he's not even trying to deny it. I would have tried hard to believe it if he did.

I whisper "I lived under Decepticons for a year and now I'm here with their enemies. What do you think I would do? I can't talk to them. I can't even be here."

"Are you afraid the Decepticons will find you here? That they'll punish you for being with the Autobots?"

"No." Maybe I am. "It's complicated." I'm not a Decepticon. You don't want me as an enemy. "I don't ... don't belong here. I just want to go home.

"I hate to say this, but someone has to do it." He takes my hand to give me emotional support, but it hangs in his grip like a dead fish. "You still have the Allspark in you, and the Autobots can't risk that Megatron gets his servos on it - on you - again. That is why we have decided to keep you on the island, where you will be safe."

I pull my hand out of his grip, clench my fists in my lap. "I blew up half of Cybertron to see Earth again, and now you tell me I'm trapped here." Granted, I didn't think that part of my plan through during my impromptu escape, otherwise I might've figured out for myself I couldn't walk across Earth again until the Decepticons picked me up like last time.

The man seems to be thinking, remembering. "There was a fire and some commotion on Helex."

"And what exactly is burning?" I ask rhetorically. "Megatron's command center. My point stands." Oh, Primus, there's gonna be trouble if Megatron gets me in his servos. I realize that they're correct in their assessment, but still. "May ... may I at least see the surface? The Decepticons let me walk around freely. Free, out in the open air. Now I'm back on Earth and all I see are the bare walls." I haven't seen Earth in over a year. That's not what I'm gonna say, the Autobots can tell him that if they haven't already.

At the mention of the Decepticons, I think I see the man slightly freezes. He thinks for a second. "I will arrange for you to enter the surface as long as you remain in the safety of the island." Oh, that Decepticon reference hit home. Of course, they can't have them giving me more freedom than the Autobots.

The man turns around. "Ratchet, do you mind if we take a little walk?"

"Yes, I do mind" Ratchet replies, looking up from his workbench. He takes a long look at the man before turning back to his work. "Keep it short or you'll ruin all of my work."

I jump out of bed and change quickly while the man is waiting for me.

We go to the door. Instead of the man pulling out a card to open the door like the other one did before, the door seems to open by itself. I do not catch a single packet of data. The signal must have come from somewhere else. That's odd.

The man makes an inviting hand movement towards the door as I hesitate and I step out into the hall, leaving aside the thought of the door opener's behavior. Behind us the door closes quietly. At first I keep to myself what I have noticed.

We set off. My heart leaps with enthusiasm and I eagerly draw a map of the building or whatever it is on my inner system. My eyes flit wildly around to capture every door, every junction.

"You can fly, can't you?" the man asks me.

"No" I lie.

As I continue to look around, I hear the surprise in his voice. "No? Ratchet said he found jet engines on you." Uh-huh. Of course, he did a thorough exam of me while I was unconscious and passed the information on. Intolerable.

"They're useless" I declare. "Ask the Decepticons if you don't believe me." That's actually the truth. I've got no wings to stabilize the trajectory, no thrusters. With my flying skills, to use an ironic term, I'm the laughingstock of the city.

He doesn't sound too convinced. "Anyway. Stay on the island. We'll do our best to make your stay here as pleasant as possible. If you need anything, don't hesitate to contact us." There's a subliminal statement that I shouldn't feel like a prisoner, even if I am. Don't worry, I'm still taking my freedom into my own hands.

Thank you, I will consider staying on the island voluntarily once I know where this place is and how far it is to the nearest land before I can say whether I could manage the distance in terms of condition or whether I would rather capture a ship or an aircraft.

We enter a platform which, after pressing another switch, takes us up to the ceiling. As the ceiling gets closer and closer, I become restless. We're not seriously going to be crushed by that stone, are we?

The man remains calm and notices my reaction. "Don't worry, there's no ceiling. It's a hologram."

In surprise, I raise one hand and it disappears inside the stone. Cool. If I could combine this technology with my simulations, I would be powerful. And I'd probably fry my human brain from the high level of workload.

Upstairs, we'll be out of the hall, then finally out in the open. Overwhelmed, I reach up my neck. What a beautiful blue, no comparison with the ever-dark clouds of smoke on Cybertron. I suck in the clear air - yes, this is the Earth. I have returned.

Slightly alarmed, I notice that I'm receiving messages from the Decepticons here via the general channel. However, Earth is quiet right now and they're only talking about trivialities. Besides, I don't recognize any of the signatures.

The man notices I'm lagging behind and waits patiently. I can't get enough of this blue and with difficulty I tear myself away to let my gaze wander over the area. Outside the asphalt field and the buildings I see palm trees, white beaches, the sea in the distance. The air tastes salty. The sun warms my skin. So many, almost forgotten impressions.

"Um, can we go to the beach?" I ask carefully.

"Of course." He gives me his hand with a smile, but I don't take it, too busy absorbing all the impressions like a sponge. That's what I feed my simulations with. Next time my beach will be almost as beautiful as this one.

The man leads me to the edge of the asphalt, where we descend a path through a narrow strip of palm forest. I constantly stop to touch something: Bark, stones, grass. Then we step onto the beach and the vastness of the sea takes my breath away, azure blue as if from an advertising brochure. I can't help but stare at it, already the next step seems too unworthy. What a beautiful prison.

I crouch down there, like I can stay for hours, listening to the waves rolling gently onto the beach. I grab a handful of the white sand with little stones and pieces of shells in it, enjoy the trickling from my hand, watch it fall, as it joins the sand to the ground as if it had never been gone.

How I have missed this experience in all this time. I'm going to cry. Your crying won't do you any good here. You need to learn your place. I'll swallow my tears and pull myself together.

I let sand trickle through my fingers a few more times, then I look silently and in awe at the wonderful blue water. When my injury has healed, I would like to go swimming. Oh, what am I saying? I'd like to fly, look out at the horizon and see the rest of the world. I want to be free.

"Back on Cybertron, I wanted so much to be able to talk to Optimus" I start to say.

Once when I entered the command center, Megatron hissed at me. "Here you are at last. What took you so long?"

I started to answer. But I changed my mind.

I lowered my head, but only externally. Starscream would get this back. "Only my human inadequacy" I replied.

"Come here." He beckoned me to himself.

Hesitantly I stepped closer, wondering what he wanted, when he added, "Prime wants to talk to you. Wants to know how you are."

I listened up. Optimus Prime was on the line? I rushed to the screen in front of Megatron.

"Optimus!"

"Sara.

I shuddered. Did Megatron know my human name? My eyes flitted aside, but nothing happened.

Oh, God, it was so good to see a friendly face. I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at Optimus.

"How are you?" he asked.

I wanted to tell him everything, share all the things I had experienced here. The good things, like ... I was surviving. That I saw many interesting places, learned about the fascinating Cybertron creatures. And the many bad things that everyone hated me, annoyed me at every opportunity, from my fight with Starscream, which was my own fault for pouring tea over him - no, I couldn't say that in front of Megatron.

"May ... may I speak to Optimus alone?"

"No."

Optimus turned to the leader of the Decepticons. "Megatron. She is uncomfortable opening up before you."

"She should have thought of that before she accepted the Allspark from you" he replied sharply. "Human, answer."

"I'm fine" I assured Optimus and wrung a smile from myself. "I am probably the most unpopular person on Cybertron. Um, I mean, at least here. I'm getting along."

"Good. I'm glad." He nodded understandingly, but I didn't see joy. Maybe he had a rough idea of what I needed to hide from him. "I'm truly sorry we dragged you into our war. I will try to negotiate your release with Megatron. Can you give him the Allspark if he lets you go in return?"

I shook my head. "The Allspark has merged with me and is now my Spark. I do not have the power to take it out."

"Hm. Then hold on. We'll find another solution."

I didn't believe a word he said.

"Thank you.

The transmission was terminated.

Megatron turned to me. "Since you've been here, the Autobots have not attacked a single one of our bases. I will not release you even without the Allspark if it threatens our peace."

"You said if I gave you the Allspark, you'd take me home."

"Which you don't. So we'll take it."

"But now? Now that I could, I don't want to talk to him anymore" I finish my story. "I spent a year on Cybertron and in the end I had to free myself. Now Optimus wants to lock me in here, it's not fair."

The man who listened to me patiently and attentively nods sympathetically and pitifully. "It was impossible to locate you in the big city, because you were constantly moving around. I'm sorry for all you've been through."

He is probably one of those especially polite people who apologize for everything, even if they can't help it at all. "It's okay. It doesn't matter anymore."

One of the Decepticons just sent, "Oops, I stepped on a Jeep." Another one says, "Are you gonna be okay?" "Yeah, it's just five worms."

I continue to enjoy the view of the ocean and barely notice time passing.

The same Con sends again, as I notice on the edge: "Oh, they're calling for reinforcement."

A few minutes later, the man realizes he's getting a call. No, no call, he doesn't have a phone with him. He interrupts my calm: "We should go back, otherwise you'll get a sunburn. We can come back here tomorrow."

But I want nothing more than to sit here and stare out at the sea that I have missed so much. The simulations are no substitute for the original experience. Nevertheless, I nod understandingly and let him take me back into the building.

Back in the med bay, Ratchet uses my calm mood for ... I have no idea what for. He watches me from top to bottom, probably interrogating some sensors and asks: "Are you in the mood for another test run?"

"Um, yeah?" In the premonition that it's gonna be something like what happened earlier, the mood goes away.

He seems to be waiting, at least the break is unusually long, but I haven't the slightest idea what he's expecting. "Can you do that?" he finally asks.

"Can I do what?"

That annoying reaction. The sighing, the twisting of the optical sensors. It's exhausting to watch. "What I just showed you. Look when I show you something. Again."

Nothing happens. I really try to pick up on something, alternating between my human senses and my sensor data. There's nothing.

"What are you waiting for?"

"I didn't see anything."

"Arg." He's making a sound of great disappointment. "Let me guide you. Here, can you do it now?"

What in the name of Unicron. Is this a hidden camera trick? Did they all come together to make fun of me? If it wasn't Ratchet, that would be an obvious explanation, but Ratchet's not kidding. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I just ..." Ratchet's working his helmet off. "You know what? Forget it. I'm gonna keep blocking your outputs until you learn to follow simple instructions."

My spirits are down.

When I get my next meal, I stand at the door and listen to the traffic between the door opener and the card. Aha, I can easily imitate that signal. Now I can move freely, but I wouldn't be me if I just opened the doors like that. No, I get the screwdriver from my hammerspace, make sure Ratchet is looking at me and hold it in front of the door opener while I send the signal. This creates the illusion that I'm opening the door with the screwdriver.

I take advantage of the brief moment of astonishment. "I just go to the bathroom. I'll be right back" I report.

I can look for a toilet for a very long time, for hours, and diligently write down my map. Hm, here maybe? I hold my hand on one of the door openers while I send the signal, my foot, my face. Unfortunately, the signal does not work anywhere around here.

Until I get to another area where a few people are hanging around and I just open the door to a storage room with my elbow. Just as I close the door again, a soldier speaks to me. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for the bathroom."

"Seldra, is it? Come on, I'll take you back to Ratchet's med bay."

I could transform and run away - no human could match the speed of my botmode. But they're many and then there's trouble, at the latest when the Autobots show up again, which I can't counter. Maybe another time. So I let him take me back obediently.

When the door comes in sight, I say "Do you have a pen?"

The man looks in his pockets and hands me one. I hold it up to the door opener and the door opens and I hand it back. "Thank you."

I step in. Out of the corner of my eye, just before the door closes, I see the soldier trying to repeat the action with the ballpoint pen, and I can hardly hold back my laughter.

Back in the med bay, Ratchet snarls at me, "Why don't you come when I call you?"

"I heard nothing and I don't wanna talk to you. You keep talking about things I don't understand. You say you're doing stuff or I'm doing stuff and I don't know what you're talking about."

"Then why are you reacting to me? You're a liar. I think the Decepticons have gotten to your head. You can't fool me."

I'm frustrated. "Make love to yourself." That was a nice way of putting it.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Still, as punishment, Ratchet sends me to an adjoining storage room, puts my bed in it and locks the door so it won't answer my signal.

This is ridiculous. I can stay in here forever. So I do simulations until I'm tired enough to fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Autobots ... compromise with Seldra.

The next morning I wake up early and start playing around in the storage room, moving the crates around and climbing on them. After Ratchet sends someone to bring me breakfast, he asks if I am more cooperative now - haha, no - I keep on playing.

At lunchtime I hear the sound of engines outside and scamper to the door, just as someone there is transforming. Optimus Prime says in Cybertronian, "How is she?"

"Too well. She's stubborn and still ignores most of my instructions. Should I keep her in stasis and under sedation the entire time? I can't work like this."

"Let me see what I can do again", Optimus replies and I'm thinking, "Oh no, he wants to talk to me again." And hide myself between the boxes.

But when the door opens, the man from yesterday is standing there with his cowboy hat and calls for me. "Seldra, would you like to join me for lunch in the mess?"

I look out from my hiding place. Mess? A place full of people and food? "Um, I'd love to."

In the med bay, Ratchet gives me a grumpy look. Optimus Prime is standing there in his vehicle mode, the distinctive blue truck with red flames, at least I think it is him, because he's not moving.

The man gives me an encouraging smile and waits patiently for me to follow him to the door, which simply opens again without him holding a card in front of the door opener and without me watching any electronic communication.

I am puzzled. Did I miss anything? "How did you open the door?"

"The door knows me." Uh-huh, that doesn't tell me anything.

And more people seem to know him. Yesterday I was too busy exploring the surroundings, but now I notice how the people passing by nod respectfully to my companion. "You seem to be quite respected here."

"Yes, I have a lot of responsibilities." Who exactly is he to make time for me, anyway? I ask for his name. "Orion Pax.

"Oh, Orion the great hunter." I make a theatrical gesture to the ceiling. "Who searches the skies with his loyal dog."

He gives me a friendly smile. "And Seldra, is this a variation on Selda the warrior?"

"Oh, no, I transcribed that from Cybertronian. Cybertronian is machine sounds, have you ever heard the Autobots speak it? Seldra means mother. Well, I had to use my imagination to map the sounds onto letters, but I can't be addressed as 'mother' here, it would be totally weird."

"Oh, does it mean ..." He's tilting his hat. "So the Decepticons named you? Did you...?"

"No, no." I'm fending it off with embarrassment. "It was just a joke. I don't have kids."

"Alright." He adjusts his hat. He seems a little reassured. I don't know what he was thinking. "I guess I barely have any idea what happened to you on Cybertron. What I actually wanted to talk to you about is Ratchet complaining that you disregarded his instructions. He just wants to help you."

I roll my eyes. "He says I'm doing things, but I really have no idea what he means. I mean, I do things, but not the things he says I do."

"What kind of things?"

"I can't explain it to you. Only a machine can understand it."

He smiles encouragingly at me. "I do my best. Try."

"Imagine I'm a cellphone. I live in a world of cellphones. I hear what the other phones are saying to each other. Um, I know you don't have one on you." Whenever other people walk by, I pick up the data packets from the phones that they carry in their pockets, constantly sending something I can't read, oddly enough. Their traffic is encrypted in an Autobot dialect that I don't have the protocols for. I just sense they're there. Also the WiFi expects some kind of parole in the Autobot dialect before it is ready to accept my requests. This is frustrating. I have all these skills and they're good for nothing.

"There, that guy over there ..." I'm pointing to a soldier's pocket, where I see a wave of data packets flying in. "... is receiving a text message." He's not paying attention to me and he's not responding to the vibration in his pocket - is it vibrating at all? I can't tell - as he's in the middle of a conversation. They go on without any reaction that would confirm my statement. I smile embarrassed. "Uh, you'll just have to take my word for it."

"He says he sends you data that you respond to, but then you claim you didn't receive it."

"Um ..." I'm running a system check again, but I can't find anything that explains this. My radio module is working fine. "My machine functions came online only gradually. Maybe this is something new that I'm not aware of yet?" Although I can't actually find any indication of that. I already have the radio module, why would I need another type of wireless communication?

"Okay, I see." We reach a wide door through which I can hear busy activity. "Then I hope you'll still be able to make yourself comfortable here." He opens the door for me.

The mess is almost overwhelming. There are five dishes to choose from, plus a salad bar and a variety of desserts. Everything sounds tempting. I do not know what to take. Which of these did I miss the most on Cybertron? All of them. What a luxury.

Orion is waiting for me - I should make a decision quickly. I can't let something like this paralyze me. So I'll just go to the first booth and get a bowl of Pho.

I look into the broth, where noodles and vegetables are floating. This delicacy is all for me alone, unbelievable. I can't take my eyes off it and follow Orion half unconsciously to some place where he keeps me company. Only on the side do I notice that he hasn't got himself anything. I am too busy perceiving the scent, which, like an orchestra, presents me with a rich composition of different impressions, without me being able to determine the individual elements. I let some soup run from the spoon back into the bowl, watch the broth slightly thick from all the nutrients, the thick rice noodles splashing dully into the broth and the tiny garden of different vegetables gathering in it.

"Is something wrong with the food?" Orion asks slightly worried.

"All good", I assure him and try to pull myself together. "I just have to think about how much work it took to make this." But already the first spoon full of soup I eat explodes in an adventure of taste on my tongue, spreads in my mouth and lets a jungle sprout. Delicious. What luxury.

"What did they give you on Cybertron?" People here have a one-sided view of Cybertron. They only know what the Autobots tell them. Where am I supposed to start clearing up all these misunderstandings? The very question is based on an assumption I don't share. "Oh, nothing like that. Not something that complex, carefully prepared", I answer and let the rest of the meal melt in my mouth. "For example, I ordered drinks at a bar ..."

I entered the hall where the Decepticons sat at huge tables and drank a bright pink liquid.

As I moved towards the bar, more and more of the Cons noticed my presence and turned around to see me. Umpteen of pairs of optical sensors - plus some single ones and some where I couldn't see where their optical sensors were located - followed me crumb through the hall.

At the bar I climbed onto a stool and looked straight over the counter.

The bartender was wiping out a ton. Behind him, canisters were piling up on the shelf.

"Well, little one?", he asked with a slightly mocking undertone. "What'll it be?"

"A small amount of oil, please. The good stuff, purified, no additives."

He briefly interrupted his work and bent over me, leering at me. "Do you have any money?"

"Send the bill to Megatron", I said boldly.

The bartender laughed and started to fulfill the order. He took a canister from the shelf and poured its contents in a high arch into a bucket, which he set down with much force and a loud noise onto the counter in front of me.

The Cons around me laughed.

The bucket was as big as my chest. How could I drink from it? I could hardly lift it.

"A straw, please", I said.

The bartender grinned and stuck a pipe into the bucket. I had to climb onto the counter to get to it. The diameter was so big that I struggled like a fool to suck the oil up with it until I finally gave up. I ignored the amused whispering behind my back.

Finally I decided on the only way to get something into my stomach and scooped the oil with my hands. I drank until I felt sick and wiped my mouth. It was impossible to see if anything was missing from the bucket.

"Shall I wrap up the rest for you to take away?" the bartender asked mischievously and reaped renewed laughter.

"No. Leave it here, I'll come back again."

He shook his head disapprovingly.

The next time I came by the bucket was gone, but I got a portion size to suit my needs.

Should he see how he integrated this into his world view.

"Hmm", nods Orion in newfound insight. "Yes, oil can be digested by humans. In small quantities."

I laugh softly. "I figured if Megatron had me kidnapped, he could pay my bills, too."

After lunch I expect Orion to lead me back to Ratchet's medical bay and am already making escape plans when he turns in another direction according to my map. "Where are we going?"

"You're not a prisoner here, and we don't want you to feel like one, although at the moment we can't allow you to leave our custody while you're carrying the Allspark. Be our guest."

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what he meant when we stopped in front of a door that opens again without his intervention. Orion makes an inviting gesture and lets me in, first.

With awe I enter the room with the bed, the couch, the TV, a wardrobe. I see an open door leading to tiled rooms, to the bathroom. Is that what I think it is?

"It may not be pretty, but it's practical, one of the bigger ones we have. Do you like it?"

I realize that I'm holding my breath in amazement and I bend my knees in front of the couch to look at the fabric up close and stroke the velvety surface. An apartment just for me. Where I can lock up and have my privacy. No one will disturb me. What a luxury. "It's wonderful."

I go to the bed and I stroke the blossom-white, fresh-scented bedspread. I feel like a mouse running through a castle, too insignificant to do anything with that wealth. I'll never sleep in it.

Orion goes to the desk, where I only now notice the things lying there: he hands me a black key card. "Nobody wants to keep you locked up here. We only do what's necessary. You're free to move around in the Hive, but you're not allowed to go to the surface without an escort, for security reasons. Furthermore, Ratchet insists that you visit him on a daily basis, without being asked to do so explicitly each time. Is that okay?"

Free access, how boring. "Okay." Just because I have to see Ratchet doesn't mean I have to follow his orders. We can negotiate that another time.

Then he hands me a smartphone and I have to smile tired. I'm half a smartphone. "So we can contact you when you're roaming around until we can find a better way to communicate."

"We're just not on the same wave length" I joke, and Orion responds with a polite smile. "Make yourself at home." He leaves me alone.

And me? I'm, uh ... I'm trying to get used to the strange thought of having a place all to myself.

I'm doing my best to make myself at home. First, I hack the TV to show a picture of the beach outside, which I generate using my inner system, so I can pretend it's a window. Then I test how I could defend myself in this small room if necessary. Orion said that I can only go to the surface in company and since they are nice to me, I will try to stick to that for now, but I don't expect him to always have time to babysit me and it might take me a while to find some human friends here who want to take over the task, so I will probably walk through this base most of the time. Still, there's no shame in being prepared.

Actually, I think my evasive maneuvers are doing the trick, but when I transform back, I see all the scratches my claws have left in the carpet. Oops.

I'm also reading a text message from Ratchet that he sent me the other day. "Don't overdo it, you're still hurt." Hmph, they must have short lines here. Not as much privacy as I'd like, but still better than on Cybertron.

Anyway, I'm exhausted and so sweaty I need a shower, so I step into my bathroom. My own bathroom.

I'm overwhelmed. For anyone else, that would be a cramped bathroom with a shower and a toilet ... For me ... wow, a place where I am alone, a little hiding place where nobody sees me and I can even lock up. My place of peace, nobody will disturb me here. The white tiles, laid by industrious, human hands in careful handwork, so that someone like me can take care of their personal hygiene here, protected and safe. Wow, white towels, so clean and unused, so soft and they still smell of detergent, of human civilization. And the shower, oh, the shower. I can hardly believe my luck and crouch down in the shower like at a water spring in the wilderness, the shower head in my hand. Wonderfully warm water welcomes my fingers. And I have soap, wonderfully fragrant soap, with which I caress my body to free it from the last remnants of Cybertron's dust and soot. I am back on Earth. If you haven't had to do without comforts for a year, like I did, to be content with the most basic necessities and to fight for or do without the most mundane things, you can't understand the happiness I feel at this moment in the shower.

When I turn off the water and reach out for the towel, the cold draught of air makes me shiver. In my experience, the happiness does not last. I should enjoy it while I can.

For dinner I go to the mess alone for the first time.

Again I don't know what to take and force myself to make a quick decision. Besides, there are so many people here, my people. I am here among my own kind and nobody pays attention to me. Wonderful. I don't know what to do with them, best to say hello first. Any one of them could be my next babysitter, enabling me trips to the surface.

There's a table with a group of soldiers sitting at it.

"Hello, I'm human", I introduce myself before I realize how silly it sounds in this place. The soldiers exchange astonished looks. Oh, how embarrassing.

"May I join you?", I quickly change the subject. I may.

I'm trying to think of what to say. I could ask about their work - no, they're soldiers, I can imagine. Their hobbies. The weather. No, it's stupid. Maybe I'll just ask how things are going here.

But one of the men takes his turn before me. "Aren't you Seldra? The girl from Cybertron?" At the other end of the table there are excited whispers.

"Ah, yes." Again, my reputation precedes me. "The Decepticons have addressed me as 'human'. They ... uh... They're a little different from Autobots."

I'm immediately flushed with agitated questions. What was that like for me? How is Cybertron? Was I scared? How did I get by.

I am overwhelmed. "Oh, they're in a civil war. No running water, no catering, TV's terrible." No one laughs at my joke. They speak one after the other, but each finds his request more important than the other. But I don't feel comfortable unfolding my inner life in front of people I just met. Most of what I have experienced was personal, so I stick to concise, superficial answers. "Their system of measurement is atrocious, far worse than the United States'."

They want to know if I can transform. They want to know if I can do any cool tricks, have any special functions. I listen into the ether - they all carry telephones with them, transmitting in Autobot-dialect.

I grin. "If anybody lends me their phone, I'll show you a cool trick." I don't wanna scrap my own, I just got this. I get a phone handed to me - no thanks, I don't need the PIN.

It's Autobot technology. I wouldn't expect anything to go wrong. From the Allspark I send a small Energon flash into the device, which instantly transforms and stretches its limbs in all directions.

Which instantly transform into weapon barrels at their ends and fold over into swirling blades. Oh, crap. Oops.

With the first shots, screams resound in the canteen. People take cover under the tables, plates burst under hits and food flies around.

I'm thinking about what I should do and I'm the last one at the table when the robot turns all the barrels to me.

Ouch! The bullets whip on my skin and I protect my face with my arms. Then I decide to transform. The tip of my tail stings to the critter, but it evades with a jump to the side. I jump onto the table, try to catch it while I sweep plates and cups from the table and it evades me and continues to shoot at me - the bullets bounce off my case and hit somewhere else in the room.

The Allspark gives life, the Allspark takes life. A small amount of Energon charges, a large one overcharges. When I get my hands on it, I'm going to smash that thing.

The robot explodes in front of my optics, leaving a hole as big as a medicine ball in the table. I stare at it in wonder - it wasn't me. All of a sudden, everything is quiet again. All around me the people come out of their covers. I jump off the table and transform.

Everyone stares at me silently, everyone except the ones staring at the door. I take a quick look around, see some wounds and cuts from flying shards - only minor injuries, luckyly. In front of the door stands Bumblebee, the smoking gun still extended.

The Autobot looks at me in wonder from his blue optics and lifts his visor. I have the impression that only a few people besides me are aware of what just happened. So I want to get out of here and pretend I had nothing to do with it. But at that moment I receive a text message from Ratchet: "What was that? Meet me in my medical bay. A promise is a promise."

Oh, fuck me, I saw him this morning. But at least this way I have an excuse to slip past Bumblebee without explanation. The best I can do is to convince Ratchet that this is nothing before all the Autobots are rushing in on me.

Without answering, I just head for the med bay.

"You came after all", Ratchet greets me grumpy, probably alluding to the lack of response from my side. "What happened back there? I picked up an energon surge from you and suddenly we've got a dozen injured and the mess is in pieces."

I raise my hands up for an explanation. But Ratchet is smart. It was a rhetorical question.

"Get on the table", he barks.

Reluctantly, I let him examine me. First, I get a reprimand for exercising in my apartment. Yeah, yeah. The Decepticons had to have me on the floor scrapped and immobilized before they'll let me rest. I'm fine. Ratchet is exaggerating.

Then for the use of the Allspark, although he can't see any effect. "It was only a tiny amount", I defend myself.

"Do the Decepticons know you can control the power of the Allspark?"

"No, I'm not stupid."

Then he blames me for putting the humans in danger. "You knew what the repercussions might be, didn't you? What were you thinking?" he yells.

"What was I thinking? "What were you thinking?" I get artificially upset. "I thought the devices here were Autobot technology, but in reality you were taking human technology and converted it, didn't you? Human technology all comes from Megatron. You brought the enemy into this base."

Ratchet is mumbling something while he's fixing my new bandage. He doesn't have to worry about the new bruises on my arms and torso, they're insignificant.

"I won't do it again, I promise", I say conciliatory. In the end they attack me, too.

"As soon as you have recovered, I would like to try some new approaches to extract the Allspark from you", announces Ratchet.

"Nope", I immediately disagree. "And I will kill anyone who tries." This may sound like an exaggerated threat, but I mean it. I will not be experimented on again.

Ratchet is rolling with his optical sensors. "Here we go again. We can't let you leave the base with the Allspark inside you. Do you want to stay here forever?"

I'm jumping off the berth where he examined my injury. "Look, you've already tried a number of things. The Decepticons have been trying to pry the Allspark out of me for months, nothing works. I've had enough. You'll never make it anyway. Fine, I'll stay. There's nothing I can do about it anyway. Besides, every Decepticon in town wants me dead. The only thing stopping them is Megatron's order not to endanger the Allspark. It's not like my problems are gonna go away just because I don't have the Allspark anymore.

"If you'd just tell me exactly what the Decepticons were trying to do, I'd have a better idea of whether further attempts are worthwhile", Ratchet grumbles, but I don't feel like telling him about how they sawed me up twice and what else they did to me, so Ratchet releases me with the announcement that he'll come back to me with the request as soon as I've recovered.

Sometimes I get messages on my phone that I just ignore unless action on my part is required. Optimus Prime occasionally writes me offers to approach the Autobots. For example, he asks: "Would you like to accompany Bumblebee on patrol?" I think to myself: Would I like to drive around with Autobots? Like in the good old days when Rage came after me? No, thanks. And don't react.

Then one day he writes to me: "The Trion is about to land on the island. If you'd like you can come outside with us." He sends a statement after that, explaining that it's an Autobot spaceship. Oh, I think with sarcasm, how convenient. Then more Autobots are in one place and Megatron doesn't have to fly that far to kill everyone.

Since I have nothing better to do - and because I want to see what an Autobot ship looks like after just getting to know some of the other faction - I decide to take the opportunity to get some fresh air and join the others silently as they head out.

At the landing site all the Autobots and a number of soldiers have gathered to welcome the arrivals.

I quickly get bored and drift off. The excitement of the people around me draws my attention back to reality and I discover a dark point in the sky that is rapidly approaching.

The approach of the huge object awakens unpleasant memories and I noticeably tense up. The spitting of the engines shortly before landing makes me wince. With a jerk it sets down on the ground, then it becomes quiet as everyone waits in suspense.

Already a gate opens and a ramp extends. At the top there are four Autobots, which are on their way down.

I'm bored and I call up a simulation to keep myself busy, which gives me a nudge from Ratchet. "Watch out."

Too bad. The four of them take forever for the ramp, until they get to Optimus and bow down deeply. They're exchanging pleasantries. Then they all look to me and I feel a need to hide.

"Is that her?" they ask, as if I can't hear them. A wild chirping of Cybertronian questions breaks out over me. Maybe I should tell them that I can understand Cybertronian, even if I have to transform into my bot mode to speak it. My human tongue is not capable of making those sounds.

"Seldra!", I shout through the noise to introduce myself before Optimus can say the other name. This is so embarrassing. I should have stayed inside and hid.

I can barely catch the second wave of newcomers through the chatter until a red-yellow Autobot pushes itself forward. "There she is. This is so exciting." He sticks a finger out at me.

"Touch me and I'll show you a world of horror."

But he doesn't hear me over the noise or he ignores my warning. So I transform, jump on the arm that's stretched out to me and wrap myself around to the neck. When the bot falls lifeless to the ground, I land on the floor, transforming under frightened looks and standing up as if nothing had happened.

Ratchet rushes forward to examine the bot, called Hot Rod, and breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes that he is still alive. He asks quietly in my direction. "Same as Wheeljack? How long?"

"Ten hours." I don't know who this Wheeljack is, probably the scientist after I arrived, but if I turned him off, it was most likely ten hours. That's my default time frame.

The medic pronounces out loud, "He's all right, he's just unconscious." He takes Hot Rod aside and prepares for his removal while Optimus apologizes and instructs the other not to touch me without permission before continuing the welcome.

One of them, called Ripcord, steps towards me and greets me with a nod of his head. "Please, let me see the Allspark." Ah, someone has already learned from the mistake.

One of the others, addressed to Optimus, adds, "We brought a civilian with us."

He wants me to open my chest in front of everybody? "Nope."

"I would really..."

But he doesn't get to finish the sentence. "That's impossible."

The last Autobot to leave the ship, I can hardly believe my eyes. That broad stature, that brown paint that looks like somebody mixed all the available colors together, I know it well.

I transform and run towards him, leaving Ripcord heedlessly. The audience freezes around me and soldiers reflexively grab their weapons as I jump up the ramp - I'm a frightening sight in my four-legged bot mode and my grey, smooth case, especially for people dealing with colorful, humanoid Autobots. I jump with one leap on Patchwork broad shoulders, climb around his head three times and rejoice like a dog who meets his master again after a year of separation.

It is Patchwork! He is alive!

I jump down from him and transform in front of him. He is frozen with surprise just like the others. I ignore the weapons pointed at me.

"Oh, Conmother", he says slightly embarrassed and pronounces my name in perfect Cybertronian, so that it sounds like "Se-eldra Sadr'khor" in my ears. "That ... to what do I owe this honour?"

I mean to feel the surprised looks of others on my back. Seldra is happy to see an Autobot? What's got into her? Is this the same person that declared adamantly that she doesn't talk to Autobots and keeps bitching if something goes against her grain?

I grab one of Patchwork's servos, what he lets happen, think of it as a treasure. Those servos fixed me when I couldn't transform, when none of the Decepticons would touch me. He was the only friendly person in a world where everyone hated me, he showed me that there is unconditional kindness out there somewhere. I owe him so much.

"I thought you were dead", I explain in looking back. "Margret ... "M-426237 had you taken away and indicated that you would be punished. I looked for you, but I didn't find you.

"Oh." He puts his head to one side in shame. "I'm just a little mechanic. I thought you'd forget about me."

How I'd love to tell him what he means to me, but I don't know where to start. Just as I'm about to pull the screwdriver out of my hammer space, he says politely, "Let's talk later. I'm gonna go say hi to the others."

The greeting from the other Autobots is less joyful than it is from me. They nod at him. Except Optimus. Patchwork approaches him, bows and stutters, "I ... I'm at your service, Optimus Prime."

His nod is delayed, almost imperceptibly and he replies coolly: "Greetings, Patchwork. I am glad to see you are unharmed."

Patchwork appears nervous, pauses in his bow, and seems to be considering whether to say anything else, then retires backwards and introduces himself to the other Autobots. I try to imagine what a nice guy like Patchwork might have done to incur the resentment of Optimus Prime. Someone who embodies the values of the Autobots more than Patchwork, I can't imagine.

Optimus turns to me. "So, your name is Conmother. You've been given a Decepticon name." His tone has cooled off a tad, disappointed. It sounds to him like I've changed sides, but the real reason I got that name is too embarrassing to tell him. Well, maybe it'll make things easier.

Without looking at him, I say, "Relax, the name was a joke. I'm not using it. Let's stick with Seldra." I don't know how Patchwork knows that name. I thought it was just used by Decepticons and Patchwork definitely isn't.

The others have finished greeting the new arrivals and Optimus turns his attention to his duties of escorting and briefing them back to base.

I can hardly wait until they are finally done. Optimus leads the new Autobots into the base, shows them the facilities, with friendly words for almost everyone, only Patchwork is ignored. I walk back and forth squirrelly and Ratchet repeatedly warns me to calm down.

Constantly this Ripcord tries to involve me in a conversation, but I avoid him. He is not yet intrusive enough for me to take him out.

Finally, Patchwork approaches me. "Would you like to show me the island?"

Like a child, I jump up and down with joy. "Of course, it's a beautiful island, blue sea, white beach, palm trees, you've probably seen them, and those big crabs, they're running around all over the place bugging the Autobots on patrol, but they're so cool. You have to tell me everything that happened after they took you away." I can barely slow down and babble like a waterfall as we head out.

"I thought you were gonna say no. You seem so distant."

"Oh." Oh, I almost forgot. "Um, people keep saying I do things, but I don't do anything."

We enter the platform that goes up.

"So you don't notice this either?"

He just looks at me, nothing happens. I wonder if something is coming, but the silence has lasted too long. Slowly I shake my head.

He says: "With your permission, I'll have a look at it later." I have nothing against that. He is the only one I trust to fiddle around in my systems.

But first we leave the building and head out into the beautiful nature of the island. I ask him if he can transform himself into a vehicle so we can get to the beach faster.

"No, my disguise is neither a vehicle nor an airplane."

"Then what is it? The operating table?" I remember him transforming his legs into a table so he could examine me better, a heated table, warm and comfortable.

"No. I'll show it to you later if you promise not to laugh."

We walk in silence for a while, I walk fast, he slow and cozy because of his size. I think back to our hours together on Cybertron, which seem like a ray of hope in my memory.

"Here", I stop and reach into my hammer space, pull out the alien screwdriver I keep there. "I was trying to recreate the screwdriver you used to fix me." I put the small object into his big servos. "Um, it's not quite up to the original yet, but it's served me well."

He looks at the tiny object in the palms of his servos like he's never seen anything so precious in his life. "I never thought I'd be so important to someone." He puts the screwdriver into one servo and transforms the digits of the other into countless little tools with which he opens and examines the screwdriver. "That's very good" he says. "Very filigree, but placed inefficiently, a few functions are missing. Wait." He disassembles his own and gives it to me. "Here you go. Don't worry, it'll grow back."

I gratefully accept the gift and examine it carefully before storing it in my hammer space. Afterwards I will look for a string and hang the screwdriver around my neck so that everyone can see what a great gift I have received.

He wants to give me my screwdriver back, but I wave off. "No, you can keep it. Throw it away if you don't want it."

We continue on our way. "How have you been? What happened after M-426237 took you away?"

Patchwork sighs thoughtfully. "I don't know what he told you, but we've known each other since our protogroup days. If the other protoforms damaged him, I fixed him. Or I fixed myseld, if they got me into a fight. We all look the same inside, doesn't make any difference to me. I can fix anything, he knows that. One day he came to visit me in our village and told me he desperately needed an Autobot to fix the human and he didn't know where else to find one that he could get to safely. So I came along."

I remember them bringing him to me into the hall, handcuffed and a gun pointed at him.

"Yes, we had to keep up the facade of the abduction. Our factions are at war with each other, there was no other way. After they took me away again, Takedown wanted to punish me for telling you to escape. "When he fired at me, I transformed."

We just came across a path leading to the beach. "Wait, I'll show you" he says and leads me down to the white sand. There he looks left and right to make sure no one is looking. "Keep it to yourself."

He transforms. If you can call it that. I just stare at the pile in surprise and can't believe what I've just seen. I've never seen anything like it. He's ... just disintegrated.

For several seconds I look at the pile of junk, then within a second it reassembles itself into a robot and awaits my reaction.

"Um, what do you think?"

When I recover from the shock, I give him a big grin. "That's totally cool! I've never seen anything like it."

"You think so? I thought it was embarrassing to turn into a pile of scrap."

"No, it's totally awesome." I think back to the two times I tried to play dead in the arena. Nobody falls for me. But this, really breaking down into a bunch of pieces, that's the perfect cover.

But immediately my mood clouds over. I thought M-426237 ordered Patchwork's execution. I hated him for it. I hated them all for it. After the doctor sawed me open and splashed my blood all over the walls in the lab, I killed him in a short circuit reaction from an overload of Energon from the Allspark. After that I switched off M-426237, who came to check, by installing the endless loop of a song in his memory - without time limit. Probably still today on Cybertron he is apparently in a coma and nobody can help him. Now that I know that he had only good intentions, I am sorry. He did not deserve this.

"Is everything all right?" Patchwork asks when he sees my face.

"Yes, yes." He's so sweet. I can't tell him what I did to his brother. "What happened after that?" I ask, to distract from myself.

"I returned to my village" Patchwork continues. "It happened a few months later, the Decepticons invaded our village, probably looking for you. They questioned everyone and killed everyone. They left no stone unturned. I assumed my disguise. After they disappeared, I headed for the nearest Autobot town, where I was evacuated with the other survivors." He's making a servo move towards the spot where the Trion landed, which we can't see from here.

Thoughtfully, I remain silent for a while, trying to imagine how hard it must have been for him to watch all the others die without him being able to do anything about it.

"What about you?" he asks. "How did you get to Earth?"

"Oh, it was chaos" I start to gush again. "I killed the doctor who sawed me open, then I was terrified they'd really kill me this time, so I thought I'd take as much as I could get. I overloaded the Energon detectors, destroyed the generators in the surrounding buildings, set fire to Megatron's command tower ... Then, when everyone was distracted, I figured I'd take the opportunity to sneak into an abandoned space bridge ..."

Patchwork is slightly indignant. "You used Energon from the Allspark for all this, didn't you? I told you not to do that."

I helplessly spread my hands and smile. "This was absolutely necessary to escape from Cybertron."

"May I see?"

I nod.

He extends his famous light blue lamp and moves it up and down my body to illuminate it. Then he sighs. "The transformation has progressed greatly since my last examination. You really shouldn't do this anymore, or you'll get into trouble from the loss of your organs. Your heart has been replaced by a pump, but there is no metal equivalent for something like the spleen to adequately replace its function."

I find it hard to swallow the lump in my throat and feel bad. "Okay."

"If you like, I'll take a closer look at these things you don't know you're doing."

He transforms his legs into the heated operating table where I make myself comfortable while he carefully pushes his instruments through the slit on my torso into my mechanical interior. It is much less uncomfortable than when the doctor tinkered with me. I hated it so much.

Patchwork works fast, retreats after only a few seconds and releases me to the ground.

He thinks, searches for words. "So here's the thing. I have never seen anything like it before", he finally begins his explanation. "Your mechanics are intact and fully functional. I don't know how you communicate with it, since you are organic. Whether there are nerve connections from your brain to your processor or vice versa."

"Yes" I confirm. "I have complete control over the machine. "If I wish to transform, I just transform. "If I want to send or compute, it just happens. In the same way I receive responses, it is difficult to explain. I kind of see the readings from my sensors in the back of my mind, you know what I mean? When I want to look at a file, it appears 'back there'."

Patchwork is nodding understandingly. "It's consistent with what I see there. "Seldra, the energy of the Allspark is still distributed throughout your body. "That there in your chest is a separate spark with its own signature. The two things are unrelated."

I don't know what to say and I sigh deeply. I'm going to have to digest this. So now I have my own spark. This is not the Allspark. Does that mean, theoretically, you could separate the Allspark from me now and I'd live on with my own spark?

"I don't quite understand that" Patchwork continues. "The signature responds to me, but without any input from you. You probably don't notice it."

I shake my head. "Was it like this when I first met you ...?"

"It wasn't then. You were like a human with a few machine parts." That's reassuring. Which means I wasn't bugging Decepticons with constantly sending stuff all those months. That's too bad.

We're gonna enjoy the silence of the beach for a while, accompanied only by the sound of the ocean, before we head back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seldra uses every spare minute to spend time with her old friend.
> 
> Decepticons are on the move.

"Okay, let me recap."

I'm standing in front of Ratchet trying to retrace all the things he just told me. I feel like a blind person to whom the concept of three-dimensional color is explained - it's all theory to me.

"You say we would all be connected by something called a neural network. We would exchange information and feelings over it at short to medium distances. You - everyone would see or feel over it where I am and what I'm doing."

"We are connected" he corrects me.

Whatever. "You say I would have the signature of a newspark in me and you would have connected to it through so-called creator protocols. You would be blocking my messages on this net because I can't do it myself. You can also use it to place me in a condition known as stasis."

"Would you stop talking about this in the subjunctive?" he is outraged. "It behaves exactly as I said it does."

How can I accept this as truth if I don't notice anything about it except this stasis, which shuts down my system?

"Look, here's my problem with it." I raise my hands as if I'm shielding myself from possible objection. "You're saying that you notice the signatures of the other Autobots, in different colors or flavors or whatever. You say my signature is white and pure. After all I've done, that's absolutely impossible. I'm ..." Well, if I were anything, what would best represent me? "I am chaos. Fire. Flesh and metal. A long journey. Everything but pure and white." Any other representation of me I could accept, but untainted flower white? Ridiculous.

"That, too, is a mystery to me." He shrugs his shoulders. "But that's just the way it is."

I passed along Patchwork's info that it was a separate spark. That I have no control over it.

Ratchet seems to be trying something again. "Do you feel that? And this? That neither? Then why are you reacting to it?"

"I'm not doing anything."

He mumbles something about subconscious and reflexes. "Also, I receive no thoughts from you, which I find remarkable for an adult human, just interactions with the net and emotions. Curiosity, playfulness, boredom." All right, that sounds like me.

"I think all the time about how silly I find all this", I answer annoyed, but I am more or less reassured that my thoughts are private. Imagine I would constantly send all my combat tactics into the ether, then I could pack up. I suppose, because my thoughts originate in my brain and I do not send them all to my system, they are not transmitted.

"Besides" he adds, "since it's not under your conscious control, it makes it even harder to keep it in check than a regular newspark."

That's obviously not my problem. T least I thought so, but Ratchet insists I continue to visit him daily so he can deal with it.

Like the sessions with the doctor, I want to keep running simulations until Ratchet i done, but he complains immediately. "Stop it and pay attention."

"Pay attention" means Ratchet stares at me wordlessly. Nothing happens. I get bored. After several minutes I take out my cell phone to play games or listen to music.

Again Ratchet complains, "Put that away, it distracts you." How in the name of Unicron is that supposed to distract me if I'm not involved? Shouldn't my subconscious be able to act independently of my consciousness?

"This is so boring. I don't notice anything" I grumble. This is the worst thing for me: sitting around doing nothing.

"Then pay attention and learn to perceive the things you do unconsciously."

All right, then. I lean back and feel inside myself, but apart from the rising boredom I feel nothing. Primus, so boring. I listen and hear the lights buzzing and occasionally the sound of engines through the door from afar. I look around the room, but I've seen all this a hundred times before, so boring. My thoughts drift off to the beach. I get sleepy. My eyes are closing.

Minutes later I wake up from my short sleep. Ratchet is still staring at me, but this time his head is tilted.

I rub the tiredness out of my eyes and begin to wonder why Ratchet let it happen. When he grumbles as soon as I look at my phone,

"Interesting" he mumbles. "If I hadn't looked at you, I wouldn't have known you were sleeping. Your signature has remained completely reactive."

"So?", I ask bored. "I'm only half a machine. If you turn me off, I'll stay awake, too."

"Indeed" Ratchet notes and bends over. This sudden, intense interest is making me nervous. "Let me try something."

My systems shut down. They're not going offline like when Ratchet put me in that stasis thing. The constant flow of information ebbs and flows until only a few quiet bits creep over the line, telling me everything is fine and ready. I know this state when I wake up at night or early in the morning. I give the system a command and reboot everything. As expected, the information streams report back within fractions of a second.

I pass my observation onto Ratchet. "Fascinating" he comments. "I put your system into recharge, it's the sleep equivalent of machines. It looks like the two halves of you are awake independently from each other."

"And?" I don't know what he's up to.

"It's like I'm talking to two different people" he mumbles. He seems to have had a new thought, but instead of sharing it with me he asks: "What exactly do you remember about the spark appearing in your chest?"

"No comment." I don't feel like telling him how Megatron sawed me open, how I woke up in the command center, the room splashed with my dried blood and with this heavy lump in my chest, which from now on pumped my blood through my veins.

"I try to understand these things. How can I help you if you don't cooperate?"

"I can't be helped. This is irreversible. Are you finished yet?" I'd need a donor heart and probably a bunch of other donor organs to stop depending on the metallized organs and the spark. That'll never happen.

"How do you know that if you won't even let me try?"

He sighs, but finally he lets me go for the day.

Ripcord keeps getting on my nerves. When I see him coming towards me in the corridor, I transform and run away. If I enter a room where he is, I turn around immediately. If I am in the room when he comes in, I sneak to the door behind people or pieces of furniture. But still he doesn't give up.

Now Ripcord is getting in the way. I want to turn back, but he is too close and gives me a slight push so I hit the wall. "Stop trying to avoid me."

"I'm not avoiding you, I'm avoiding all the Autobots. You're just the most annoying one."

He looks down on me with disdain. "What is so special about you? Why has the Allspark chosen you as his vessel?"

I'm retreating from the wall. "I was the only one there. Lack of options, I suppose." Besides, I wouldn't be surprised if he regretted it since he knows me and realized his mistake.

"Optimus is still holding on to you, you know that?"

We circle around each other in a few steps.

"I told him the obvious. You are avoiding us. You speak their dialect. You bear one of their names. And yet Optimus still thinks you're one of us, when the Allspark has long since fallen into the hands of the Decepticons.

I am angrily clenching my hands to fists. I spent a year defying the Decepticons. I bugged them, I fought them, I painted their walls, I burned down their city, but still I have to hear this. "First of all, I'm here against my will and all attempts at communication with you Autobots fail, so I'm not gonna do it. Two, I lived among them for a year, that's why I picked up those expressions. And thirdly, 'human' won't work as a name for long and Cons are not exactly known for their creativity in naming. Do you want anything else?"

I'm in a good position and I want to get out of there. He pulls out the whip he carries on his hip.

"Wait a second." He wraps the whip around my feet and pulls me towards him. I transform, jump up and grab the screwdriver. Ripcord realizes too late what I'm about to do. He evades with one step, but I want to get to his arm anyway, where I ram the screwdriver between two plates into the mechanism. The arm with the whip falls limply down.

While Ripcord processes the new situation, I have time to unwind from the whip. "Do you think I've been sitting on Cybertron with my thumbs up my ass?" I kick the whip and get the hell out of there.

There aren't many places where I have peace of mind from the Autobots' curious questions - on my forays through the base I constantly come across one of them. My apartment is a possible retreat, but I get bored very quickly.

I have a better idea and visit Ratchet's med bay. Yeah, on my own, without it being the time for it.

Ratchet turns to me in surprise.

"I want to visit Patchwork" I declare before Ratchet can ask for it.

The brown mechanic is standing next to Ratchet at the workbench, coming towards me. "I have my work to do, maybe later?"

"Can I watch you do it?"

Ratchet grumbles in agreement. "As long as you don't disturb him." Of course I'm not disturbing. I would never do anything like that. I'm a good girl, like people know me.

Patchwork appreciates my company.

"May I climb on your shoulder?" I ask, to get a better view.

He stretches the servos towards me with a smile. "Come here." He helps me climb up, then I save the transformation, and lay around his neck like the fur collar of a dead animal. The fur collar of a living animal. Without fur.

Interested, I look down at the components he's working on. "That's a voice processor and that's a radio module, isn't it?"

"Yeah, that's right. How do you know that?"

Most of all, I know how to break them. "It's either from the doc tinkering with me or from taking apart my opponents in the arena. Literally. But I never got far enough to incapacitate them, unfortunately." I show the screwdriver hanging from my neck under the top and I snicker at the memory of how I got my ass kicked afterwards. We would make a great team: I take them apart, Patchwork puts them back together.

Ratchet throws a long glance over to us. Patchwork hesitates, then nervously steps from one leg to the other. I quickly wrap my tail around his neck so as not to fall off from the sudden movement.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Patchwork hesitates, but I don't know why, is he trying to tell me something?

Ratchet's gaze intensifies, while Patchwork keeps his eyes lowered on his work, the servos motionless.

"Take a break", Ratchet decides and turns back to his own work. "Go get some air."

Patchwork mumbles a shy thank you and helps me climb down. I get confused and walk him out.

We walk silently towards the exit. Since Patchwork was happy to see me earlier, I find this strange. "Is everything okay?"

"Hm", he goes on and on silently. I am about to stop to demand an answer when he speaks out. "People keep coming up to me, wanting me to talk you into something. Things they could tell you themselves and which you'd already do if you wanted to."

"Oh?" Our good relationship is hard to ignore, but that they're trying to use it against me? It's obvious, yet I didn't expect it. "Like what?"

"Wheeljack wants to examine you, but I don't think you'd do that, or that it would get us anywhere. Ripcord wants me to persuade you to show him the Allspark, but it's your choice who you show your inner life to. Dr. Karen Anderson wants you to begin therapy with her to process your experiences with the Decepticons."

That ... surprises me. I thought of him as a person who would do whatever he was told, but I was wrong. And he is absolutely right in his assessment - there is not a point of it I would agree with. Half of the names don't even mean anything to me, that's how successful I have been in avoiding them so far. No, wait, I heard Wheeljack once, where was that?

"But Ratchet is my superior" Patchwork continues. "So when he gives me a similar command ... that puts me in conflict."

"Let me guess: The Allspark?" Patchwork nods. I'm tired of everyone chasing the Allspark.

I check left and right to make sure there are no other Autobots around. "Can you get normal Wi-Fi? Unencrypted frequencies?" "What ...? Oh. But I told you..."

With a low signal strength, so only he can receive it, I'm sending him a series of readings I took while on Cybertron. Without the Allspark, most of the Protoforms were born dead. But I gave them different amounts of energon from the Allspark, looked at how long they each lived with it and measured what effect each had on my body - a heating of my metal depending on the amount of energon.

It is unacceptable that Patchwork gets into trouble because of me. "The doctor who examined me on Cybertron was a botcher, so I did my own little experiments" I tell him. "Imagine if I had managed to extract the Allspark from me by myself, thus proving the doctor incapable. The Allspark gives away my position. Perhaps I could have gotten rid of it as a diversion and hit the road. Maybe I would have given it to Megatron, purely theoretically, if he could credibly assure me that he would not wipe out Earth in return. Since no help has come from the Autobots, I've considered alternatives. But it doesn't matter anyway, I haven't been able to figure out anything like that. Will this help to reconcile Ratchet with you?"

Patchwork gives me a sweet-and-sour glow. "Probably for the beginning. I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting this. You don't have to do this."

There's no need for him to say anything.

"I'll make you a list of things the doc tried on me" I announce.

"Thank you. I'll take a look at it before I give it to Ratchet."

Then we've already reached the exit. We get on the platform and go up.

Arrived at the beach, I ask again for my new favorite place. Patchwork puts me on his broad shoulder. "Only a quarter of an hour or you'll get a sunburn."

I completely agree with that. When the quarter of an hour is over, I can renegotiate.

For a while I silently enjoy the sound of the surf, the coconut crabs passing by occasionally. In the channel some Decepticons make small talk and I block it out. I feel more relaxed than I have felt in a long time.

"What do you actually see in me?" I suddenly ask. The first time I met him, I felt like he was about to ask for my autograph. When he arrived with the Trion, he called it an honor to be remembered.

"Every Autobot knows the story of how you defeated Rage with nothing but a screwdriver" he tells enthusiastically. "I was very impressed. That is, the weak defeat the strong by peaceful means. That means I could win battles without hurting anyone. I wish I was as strong as you."

I stay in an embarrassed silence. Maybe ... I'll clear this up another time.

"Oh, you know what?" This reminds me of one of my arena fights. Maybe I can use it to slowly bring him to the truth. "Once, I challenged Shockwave in the arena. And I started to take him apart with the screwdriver. But then he got the upper hand and he spanked me." I laugh in shame. I've lost so many fights, I don't even care anymore.

But he looks up at me with luminous optics. "I can't believe that someone like you ..."

I don't listen to anything he says after that point as I turn all my attention to the Decepticon channel. I know that signature as well as I know my name and the transmission grabs my attention.

Megatron is broadcasting non-specifically on the general channel: "Decepticons. I'm back on this rock."

Other messages respond. "Megatron is back. Action at last."

"Welcome, Lord Megatron, we are at your service."

Megatron sends, "Did anything happen while I was away?"

"The Autobots have established a base of operations in the Indian Ocean."

"They sometimes crash our parties."

"We are locating the Allspark's energy somewhere in the Indian Ocean. Perhaps on their base" suspects one whose signature I do not know.

Megatron is sending, "Conmutter, do you hear me?"

Panic creeps up inside me so that I almost fall off Patchwork. He can't know I can hear him, can he? Can he? Best I play dead.

"The Autobot base is shielded" someone else finally replies. "As long as it's not on fire, she's most likely trapped inside." The Con sends a glyph that's the equivalent of a laugh. Asshole.

"Do you hear them?" Patchwork asks. I think he means the Decepticons, broadcasting on the public channel.

"Yeah."

He hesitates. "May I know what they're talking about or would that get you in trouble?"

I smile in agony. "Probably." If the Autobots suddenly react to things the Cons send on their own communication channel, there are not a lot of ways that that could happen, especially if their movements originate from where they receive the Allspark signature. "They're gathering on Earth" I say in general terms. "Presumably, they followed your spaceship." No, the calm that prevails right now will not last long, because a storm is already gathering.

"Let's go back inside" I decide, because the transmission has spoiled my desire for fresh air.

I've been working out in my room, which is a challenge, considering the size of it. I simulate minicons as opponents, balance over the bed frame, transform, dodge with a jump against the wall and push myself off to counter-attack, leaving deep holes in the wall with my claws.

Oh, how stupid. On Cybertron, the streets and buildings are made of hard metal, so this was never a problem. My apartment looks like a rubble dump because I haven't learned to retract my claws.

It's knocking. I transform back with an almost elegant landing, where I stagger just a little bit.

"Coming."

Oh, outside the door is Orion, greeting me warmly, but his mood changes quickly when he sees me. "You're full of scratches!"

"I've been working out" I shrug my shoulders. Somehow I have to stay fit. All these months I was constantly involved in fights on Cybertron, I can't and don't want to give up this habit, I at least need the feeling of being able to defend myself.

He nods understandingly and comes to the point: "May I come in?"

"No." All I need is for someone to see the mess I've made.

"I just want to talk to you in private for a minute."

"But not here. I didn't clean up." I slip outside into the corridor and quickly close the door behind me so he doesn't have a chance to look in.

Then I look at him slightly suspiciously. Apart from the fact that, unlike other people, he has no phone with him, I now notice that I have never seen him with other people. Except the one time with me, I never saw him in the mess. He never met me by chance in the corridor.

I set up in front of him. I take his hand and look at it. I steal his hat and put it on my head before I give it back.

The man looks at my actions with patient astonishment. "Is everything all right?"

"There's something very strange about you, I just don't know what."

Other people would probably take that as an insult, but Orion just smiles friendly. "Then let's take a few steps. I'll show you. It's time you learn some things."

Well, I'm curious.

We get moving. As before, oncoming persons greet him with extreme respect.

Orion comes straight to his first request: "It's about Patchwork. It seems to me that you two are very close. There is something you should know. A request, if you allow."

"Okay?" Since I don't see what I have to do with this, I can't say any more.

"Has he told you about his mission?"

I shake my head. I find the phrasing, as if there has only been one, odd. I expect a mechanic to be used often.

"He had recently joined my rows and was eager to commit to our cause. For an introductory mission, I sent him on a small patrol. There he encountered a single Decepticon - also on a patrol. Patchwork shot at him, damaged him badly. Then he pulled him aside and repaired it. His helpfulness is admirable, but his actions endanger the survival of his own people. So I suspended him from duty. I will never send him to the front again."

All the time I'm on the verge of interrupting him with interrogatives. Wait a minute, his rows? This man sends Autobots on missions? My brain refuses to logically connect the two pieces of information. That's impossible.

Orion stops at a corner. "Even if you don't want to talk to me anymore, I beg you to take good care of Patchwork. He doesn't deserve to get hurt."

Then he turns around the corner. I hurry after him and I see Orion standing by the vehicle mode of Optimus Prime. Orion smiles at me and suddenly I see a resemblance between the red blouse, the blue shirt underneath and the red-blue paint job on the truck.

Then Orion disappears into thin air and Optimus transforms - now I can even see the similarity in her facial features.

Optimus comes down on one knee as usual to be able to talk to me better, but I am petrified with fright. It is too late to run away.

Oh no, how could this happen, they tricked me, again, what if the Decepticons find out about this, they'll laugh at me, they'll punish me for what I said, did I say something bad, something that can be used against them? They dragged me back into the war again, I wanted to stay out of it, how will I ever manage that, even if I no longer had the Allspark, if the Cybertronians are everywhere, hiding anywhere without me noticing, they are always near me, they never leave me in peace. Not only do they disguise themselves as vehicles, now I can't trust people either.

As I say nothing, Optimus rises to speak. "I promise no harm will come to you. You are safe here with us. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to protect you when you needed me."

The next moment, I burst out laughing. For several seconds I stand there laughing out loud. After all I've been through underneath the Deceptcons. Tricked by an Autobot. I am truly a disgrace.

I'm safe here with you? But you're not safe from me.

Once I calm down, I'll take a step towards Optimus. I wanna say something, anything. Ask about the trick with his human copy. If I had that ability, I could project my simulations into reality. I would be God. And I would burn myself out over th energy consumption. I want to ask why he didn't help me on Cybertron, but I'm confused, this man, as Orion,has he said anything to me about it? I want to put in a good word for Patchwork. Maybe I should tell him Megatron is on Earth, but he's Optimus, he'll know that. But I can't and I'm resigning.

"Please let me out of your war" I say before I turn and leave.

Right now I'm sitting in the canteen having breakfast and still chewing pouting on my food. How many times has Starscream tricked me? I didn't bother to count and it would remain doubtful whether I noticed it every time. I thought I would have learned all kind of ways to trick someone by now, but Cybertronians taking the form of humans? That's new. Orion, Optimus touched me, it felt like an ordinary human touch. I can't blame myself for that. That went bad.

Then the red warning lights above the doors start pulsating and an alarm swells up and down several times. Shortly afterwards an announcement sounds.

As soon as I hear the word "Decepticon", I stuff the rest of my breakfast inside me. The lump gets stuck in my throat - I can't breathe. A few sips of orange juice let the dry lump slide down clumsily, leaving a burning sensation in my esophagus.

What a fool I am. The announcement spoke of attacks all over the world, not an attack on the base. Especially if they had already penetrated the base, they would certainly have broadcasted the joyful message on the public channel, which I would then receive thanks to the destroyed shielding. Nothing like that is happening, so we're all right for now.

While everyone else seems to know what to do, drop everything and run to their positions, I remain calmly seated. By calm I mean frozen. Decepticons are attacking and I'm not the target - this is a completely new situation. I have no idea how to deal with it. It's almost like I'm gloating that someone else is getting hit.

Then I slowly get up and look, partly consulting the map on my inner system and calculating people's paths, where I go best.

Oh, my phone is vibrating. Optimus sends me a message to go to the command center with the others. Doesn't he know how risky it is to give me a command when I'm inclined to do the opposite of what is wanted of me? He's lucky I wanted to go there anyway.

All the Autobots are already there. I raise my hand briefly to welcome Patchwork, but the presence of the Autobots, who usually take every opportunity to pester me with questions, makes me nervous. So I take cover silently next to Patchwork. He smiles at me. "I'm glad you're here." In fact, it's not to be taken for granted.

But my concern is unfounded. Optimus is about to divide the Autobots into groups, who are far too busy listening to his instructions to annoy me.

Hmm, the Autobots who line up in their groups include almost everyone. The few that haven't stepped forward are Patchwork, Ratchet, Wheeljack and a few smaller ones that are not suitable for combat missions. There is hardly anyone left. Good, then I have the base for myself. Then I can snoop around the rooms where they've been keeping ...

That's when Optimus turns to us. "We need a medic in the field."

Silence envelops the room as Optimus looks out over the remaining Autobots and I immediately see the problem. Patchwork and Ratchet are the options. Ratchet - the most reliable of them, has to stay here to control the sparkling in my chest, plus he has a lot more experience. And Patchwork, whom he promised never to send into a mission again, because he repairs everyone, even Decepticons. I'm glad I don't have to make that decision.

After much deliberation, Optimus turns to Ratchet. "Get ready to launch. Fifteen minutes from now the planes will take us to our designated locations."

Ratchet says, "I cannot maintain Seldra's firewalls while I'm gone. If this is a diversion and the Decepticons show up here, they'll detect her immediately. Furthermore, the energon radiation of the Allspark interferes with our detectors and we would not notice incoming Decepticons in time. Send Patchwork."

Optimus lowers his helmet in agreement: "Megatron cannot know that the space bridge has brought Seldra to Earth. I expect him to be on Cybertron to coordinate the search. Therefore, we can neglect the risk."

I listen to him impassive, trying to keep my face blank. But he comes towards me and I have to suppress my escape reflex as he descends to me.

"Seldra", he addresses me in a soft voice and I can't stand the sight of those blue optics. He points to the hologram of Earth floating in the middle of the room, on which the Decepticon attacks are marked with red dots. "The Decepticons are attacking various locations around the world and retreating before they can be identified. Can you tell us anything about this?"

Hm, as if Megatron ever discussed his plans with me. Nonetheless, I position myself in front of the globe so at least looks like I'm trying to answer.

Slowly the globe turns. The red dots light up on all continents, looks like a random distribution to me.

No, not entirely random. As the globe turns so far that I look at a unique location mark in the Indian Ocean, I begin to find the red lights strange. The flag marks this island. Although the lights are spread over all the continents, they are all suspiciously far away from us: At the western end of Africa. The eastern end of Australia. None on the nearby mainland.

I have no doubt that they're distracting the Autobots to come to get me, and my heart sinks hard. Should I tell him that? They don't know the leader of the Deceptions is here. No one told them. Megatron just announced it on the Decepticon channel - which they don't call that for nothing. I'm laughing inside myself. Congratulations, Megatron. If the Autobots don't fall for the trick, if they know you're on Earth, then you know I told them.

But there's a voice in the back of my head saying: I'm not a Decepticon. You don't want me as an enemy. I've been punished enough for helping the Autobots.

"Leave me out of your war" I finally answer, turning away from the globe and earning a hurt face. I try to ignore it, but I feel bad.

"Very well", he replies and rises. The leader of the Autobots turns to the brown mechanic. "Patchwork, stay with your partner."

Uh, what, how? I object. "We're not partners. Do you see us making out and holding hands and stuff? No."

Optimus replies calmly, objectively, as opposed to the storm of embarrassment that rages within me, "These are common behaviors among humans, but not among Cybertronians."

My face glows with shame. I can't look at him any more. Patchwork and me ... I've never seen us like this. I mean, I like being around him, but ... but, yeah, I don't know how it works for Cybertronians, have I done something wrong?

"With your permission, I'll explain everything when I get back" Optimus offers. "To both of you."

"Okay", I answer quickly. It's not gonna come to that. Please just stop talking about it.

Optimus wonders why I agree to a longer conversation - I never talk to him. But he still believes in the good in me and that everything will turn out for the best. He nods goodbye and the Autobots leave the room one by one.

Ratchet growls a goodbye at me, then he leaves the room to get going.

An oppressive silence descends over the room. I set a timer for five minutes, that should be enough time for Ratchet to leave the reach of my spark. Not that it matters any more - I'm never short of an excuse.

In that time I let my eyes wander over the remaining ones again. Patchwork - he looks back expectantly - Wheeljack, the people whose names I do not remember. They will all die if I stay here.

"I have to go to the toilet", I suddenly announce - no one wanted to know - and disappear out the door.

In truth, I took a photo of the globe and stored it on my inner system. As I hurry through the corridors - in the direction of the toilet closest to the exit - I think while looking at the picture and measuring it.

If I were Megatron and I wanted to recapture the Allspark and distract the Autobots, what would my next steps be? I would wait somewhere nearby and strike if the Autobots were far enough away. Hm, the Maldives are closest, but how would I get there without the Autobots noticing me? No, I would go to the mainland in the shelter of the vegetation. If they reached the locations of the attacks, I would have enough time to fly there. Africa, India, Australia. India is the closest, but from Africa I could use the tailwinds from the jet stream. No, bullshit. Megatron doesn't need that kind of crap. Australia's way too far away. India is temptingly close. Yes, I think he would come from India.

What do I do if he comes here? I can't count on the humans with their ridiculous weapons and the three Autobots who stayed home. Flying? No, he's much faster than me. Fight? Yeah, I wouldn't make it easy for him. At least I could ruin his day. But here? There are so many bystanders around here. Suppose I were desperate enough to use the Allspark in battle, the machines would rise up and mow everything down here. I need a battlefield where I don't have to hold back.

The jungle on Diego Garcia. Hm, still too close, plus the signature of the Allspark is as unobtrusive as a neon sign at night.

The Maldives. Now I call up some information about it via the internet of my mobile phone: beach, asphalt, buildings. I need a dense jungle to hide tactically, how can I face Megatron in an open field? Besides, when Megatron comes from India, he passes the Maldives and at that distance he notices the Allspark with optics covered and switched off radio module.

Madagascar - too far away. Distance to Diego Garcia: about 3000 km. Distance from India to Diego Garcia: about 2000 km. I don't know how fast I fly - slow - or how fast Megatron flies - damn fast - so I calculate with different estimates. It always comes out the same: I'm too slow and Megatron catches up with me somewhere over the ocean. The scenario assumes that I am flying in bot mode. In this mode I have less drag and fly faster, but the radiation of the Allspark will give away my position.

Other scenario: I fly as a human and the human flesh shields a part of the Allspark radiation. In this case Megatron reaches Diego Garcia before he realizes that I am not there, but since he is still flying damn fast, he still catches up with me before I reach my destination.

Lost in thought I reach the toilet. And use the break to think about it further. More time. I need more time. I need to leave long before Megatron and the other Decepticons take off. When is he leaving? Not now, as long as the Autobots are around. If they're as far away as he is, what if they fly over him? No, then he'd attack, not fly straight back to base. He would wait until they were as far away as possible. Or he'd attack them one by one before he leaves. So the Decepticons will distract the Autobots? The Decepticons are also distracted by the Autobots right now. It works both ways.

How do the Autobots travel, with human machines? I'm looking up some velocities of possible aircraft. A plan is forming inside of me.

I need to get to Madagascar. Land, jungle, rocks, lots of places to hide and avoid, room for tricks and sneaky tactics. At best I'm gone without anyone noticing and can return when the Autobots are back. Here in the base I'm trapped like a sardine in a can. Here I don't stand a chance. To make matters worse, here are all these people and all these electronic devices. In case I get the urge to take Megatron to death with me by an Energon overload - theoretically, I always hope for a better solution - but in that case I don't want to cause the deaths of hundreds of uninvolved people through a newly rising Decepticon army.

Yes, I have to leave as soon as the Autobots are out of range of the island, so I'll be gone before anyone realizes what I'm up to. And I have to fly in human form to keep the Allspark signature at least within striking distance. Despite my speed, this should give me enough time.

I wash my hands, enjoy one last time the fragrant soap of civilization and clean, running water before it gets dirty.

In the corridor I hear my name shortly afterwards. Patchwork followed me to exchange a word with me under four optics. My face starts to glow again when I remember the embarrassing situation. I can hardly stand the tension and would like to run away immediately.

My dismissive tone of voice is in stark contrast to my stuttering. "I like you, but we're not even the same species." So stupid, where's my confidence? This is all so confusing. Why do they bother anyway? "I'm sorry if you're disappointed, this is so embarrassing, I would have discussed this with you in private, but I didn't know ... but I didn't know that Optimus would even bring it up." No, wait, he implied something like that before, didn't he? I just didn't realize that was what he meant. That's silly, I talk too much when I'm nervous.

Patchwork lowers his helmet, looks down at the ground at my feet. It must be just as embarrassing for him, but as a machine he has the advantage of not blushing. "Um, you know, when two Cybertronians are connected, they share a so-called Spark bond with each other, through which they perceive each other's thoughts and feelings. You probably don't realize it, but there's no such thing between us. I don't know what Optimus was talking about."

Well, I'm relieved to hear that our views are mutual. He wouldn't like me anyway if he really knew me.

"But that's not why I came." He steps nervously from one foot to the other and I wonder what he's been told this time. "Optimus wants me to find out what, if you're up to something. And let him know."

Even though we're not a couple, he's still on my side. I'm reassured by that. I can't let him get involved. "Can you block my output and shield my energy signature?" I ask with the faint hope that there is another option I can at least consider.

"No."

I grin in a hint of gallows humor. "Then I must leave before the Decepticons show up here. Keep it to yourself until I've left the island. Ten minutes after the others left." Then I was helped, and he did his job.

"I can walk you out." I'm stunned by the offer. I see the train of thought behind it: Since I cannot go to the surface alone, he would accompany me so as not to arouse suspicion. That is completely unnecessary. There is no one left to stop me effectively.

"Then you'll be in trouble."

"Yes."

"No", I decide hard and turn to leave. "Goodbye. Stay out of trouble." I'm getting out of here.

"Take care" I hear him calling softly behind me, but maybe I'm imagining it to the sound of my running footsteps.

I reach the surface without difficulty and breathe the smell of freedom. One last time I look around. Bye, island.

One last time I take out my phone and write the first and last message I will ever write: "Sorry about the room", I send to Optimus. Then I drop the phone into the dust - someone might use it to locate me - expose my jet engines and fly away.

The take-off goes without any problems and after a short time I have stabilized my flight path, as I had to learn by force. I fly from the exit over a point in the landscape that I have memorized for orientation and am directly on course towards Madagascar. But the landing is another story. I'm terrified of the bumps and scratches I'll get because I'm so damned incapable.

I also have to admit that my plan to fly in human form in order to shield the energy signature of the Allspark has one drawback: air resistance. The wind gets caught in my clothing and slows me down. I fly slower than I could theoretically fly and tire faster. So embarrassing for someone whose machine skills have developed under Decepticons, more than half of which are airplanes. I hope I'm gone before anyone finds out about this.

I was flying for a while when a message with a signature I know very well is sent in the channel. Megatron writes, "Conmutter, we've got the Allspark signature on the screen. I hope you've noticed the storm approaching from the south." First of all, shit. If they can track me even though I've assumed human mode, it means they're close. I was expecting more time.

Second: Storm? Storm? In fact, I neglected to check the weather report. Perhaps this is a trick, but I should consider the possibility. So I bend and rise. Until I see the narrow stripe of a dark, almost black cloud front on the horizon that stands between me and my destination. Oh, damn it. Can I still make it?

"Is this Rage?" I send, causing a storm of excitement in the channel: When I am near, there is entertainment at my expense. "You really rolled out the red carpet for me, didn't you."

"No, this is a real storm" Megatron replies. "No one will help you if you get in."

Oh, this is stupid. I have no experience flying in storms. Would the wind blow me helplessly until one of the Decepticons picked me up? Would I plunge into the sea and drown? Or transform and sink like a rock until a Decepticon picks me up from the bottom of the sea?

I can't find any way to work in my favor when I get caught in that storm. So I turn around. I bend and fly in a wide arc until I feel like I've turned 180 degrees - Diego Garcia has already disappeared behind the horizon. Then I transform to be faster without the drag of my clothes.

New plan: I have to reach Diego Garcia in time, preferably the uninhabited, southern end. If I have to use the Allspark, I hope I'm far enough away from all the machines, or at least far enough away from the big ones, which would be most dangerous for the inhabitants, should they come to life. Then I'll find a weapon on the beach, maybe a rock or a branch. Or I could hide in the jungle and try my tick tactics. They won't get me that easyly.

Most of all, I dread the thought of landing. Maybe I'll find a spot on the beach long enough for the sand to slow me down before I hit a palm tree. Or would it be better to try a landing in the sea? But then I lose time swimming to the beach. Oh, it's all stupid.

Already I see Diego Garcia coming towards me over the sea and head for the island. At the same time I discover a dark point in the sky, which is growing rapidly.

Megatron broadcasts: "Why do I perceive you twice?" Megatron it is. Of course, he leaves no one else the important task of retrieving the Allspark. He's too big to kill him with an energon shock without killing myself. On the other hand, he's slower than Starscream.

I'm conflicted: Should I accelerate to reach the ground ahead of him? But then I'll just crash even worse.

Almost, almost there. I'm going into a descent.

But the decision is taken away from me - I underestimated his speed. Megatron picks me out of the air and lands transforming, with a thundering sound coming up on the ground, the wings folding bat-like into his back.

The huge machine opens his servos to look at me like a recovered treasure in his palms, the red optics threateningly bent over me. "Hm, that's interesting", he mumbles.

My inner system switches off from one moment to the next. I try to reach it, but it does not react. Okay, big one, if you prefer bare hands. You didn't seriously expect me to give up without a fight, did you?

I'm ripping the screwdriver off my neck. With surprise, his optics dilate as I leap up, hang onto his breastplate like a basketball player and ram the screwdriver into his spark chamber. The electric shock that hits me out of it throws me back and robs me of consciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seldra awakes on the Nemesis. Shit.

I wake up in a small room full of boxes whose cold metal surface bites into my flesh. Although my limbs are frozen stiff and can hardly be moved, I am still feeling hot like in a fever from the electric shock. My inner system is still not responding, so I have to resort to physical exercise to warm myself up.

The roar of engines sounds through the room from afar - I suspect we are on board of a spaceship. Not Rage, I would recognize him, any other. They've got me again, circles through my head. They won't let me escape again. I'll never see Earth again except in my simulations, no matter what I do. I'll never see Patchwork again. But maybe it's better this way: He's somewhere else, somewhere where I can't see him, where he's better off than with me.

Fear does the rest. I set Megatron's command tower on fire and killed the doctor whose job it was to get the Allspark out of me to save their species. At the thought of what trouble awaits me now, my knees shake and I look around for a way to escape, but there is only one door with an electronic lock, which I cannot access without my system.

I ease myself while I do gymnastic exercises and massage my joints. Take it easy. No one will kill me as long as the Allspark is inside me and they must be afraid of losing it by my death. I am extremely fragile as a human being compared to a machine - there is not much they can do to punish me.

The fear slowly ebbs away, but a new thought creeps in: I talked to Autobots. They tricked me. Forget the pain, there are worse punishments.

But more hours go by without anything happening and when I have prepared myself mentally for everything that could await me, I feel a little better.

To pass the time I sneak through the room as if I was preparing a surprise attack on an imaginary opponent, but as time goes by even that gets boring. I try to give the door lock an open command in my human language, but of course it ignores me.

I sit down next to it and have the fun of chatting it up. "You're always so closed. You could really be more open."

But to my surprise, it opens and Starscream comes in. I jump up in horror.

He gives me this sinister look. "Hello, Sparkling. You know it has no consciousness?" Suspiciously, he narrows his optics and leans over. "That's odd. Megatron has placed you in stasis lock, yet you are squeaky alive." Sparkling, that's it, that's the name for the part of me that goes about its own business without me noticing.

Yeah, always this disappointment when I do something. That look gives me a slight satisfaction. "And now you've come to ruin this bad day for me? Or did you pull sticks to decide who has to pick me up?"

"Hey. I tried to convince Megatron to release you."

"Huh? Really?" That's probably another one of his lies. To piss me off.

He's smiling mischievously. "I told him to send you to the Autobots to burn their cities, not ours."

"Bastard!" That was so obvious. Only bullshit and insults come out of his voice processor.

"I saved your life three times. A little more gratitude, if you please." I think he means the one time he didn't let me freeze to death in thin air when he was flying with me into space. And the one time he deliberately shot past me to drive me over the edge of the road into the abyss. And the third time? I don't know.

"Thanks, bastard." Anybody else would get in trouble for that and swallow the insult instead, but I? He kept provoking me until I couldn't help but give him new names. It can't get any worse for me.

"I thought I'd stop by to see your new feature."

He stares at me intensely. All of a sudden my systems boots - I know what that means. Now it's happily sending data around again. I don't know what, but every Decepticon on the ship is picking it up.

I gotta do something about that. I give the system a command, I put it in recharge. It's still there, receiving my commands, but its activity has decreased to a low hum.

Starscream smiles. "Oh, you want to mess with me again. Don't worry, I've seen enough already. Tz. You must have got a bit carried away with your death-by-Energon-overload kill fantasies."

I'm almost relieved when Starscream turns back to the door without incident. "Come on, you little data leak. Megatron has a few words to say about the destruction you caused as you escaped. Why are you trembling?"

"I am not trembling. It's cold here." My teeth are chattering. I'm suppressing it.

"Yes, yes." Bastard.

As Starscream steps forward and waits for me in the corridor, I almost expect some trick, but he just turns wordlessly and goes ahead. I follow him obediently - I don't want to give him any reason to use his parenting methods on me to force me to do so.

As we walk, I stare at his neck and imagine myself jumping forward and turning him off. Even under normal circumstances Starscream is too alert and fast to turn him off. Now, on top of everything else, Sparkling may be giving him a heads-up. But this is the wrong place to mess with him anyway.

"But tell me" Starscream suddenly stops and turns around to look at me. I have to pull myself together to not flinch. "Is there any chance that your babysitter might wake up anytime soon? I have better things to do than to take care of you."

I have to fight the nervousness that this piercing look is causing in me. Take a dramatic pause. Take time to respond, put a knowing smile on my lips. "No. If you hold still for two seconds, I will release you from that duty."

"If you want to shut me down, you're going to have to try a little harder. You won't get any free gifts here." He continues on his way and I follow.

Starscream is one of the few people who never got to see my abilities in person, and that's too bad, because he deserves it the most.

"Are we on our way to Cybertron?" I dare to ask.

"No, the Nemesis is still orbiting in the atmosphere, it would be rash to return to our dying planet without a cure. We have unfinished business on Earth." Whew. I find the thought of Earth nearby comforting. Perhaps I can take another look at it. And the chances of escaping to Earth are much better nearby than on Cybertron.

Other Decepticons we encounter in the corridors are obediently avoiding Starscream. I'm not the only one - only a few would dare to mess with him, certainly not over a trifle.

I'm lucky that he has no interest in humiliating me right now and we continue the rest of the way in silence.

Sparkling quickly wakes up from the recharge. The other Decepticons, once we pass them, turn around and look for me. Some wonder, some smile - Sparkling probably interacts with them. I try to put it back into recharge, but it's too excited to meet all those new signatures, so I give it up soon.

Starscream stops in front of a wide door, and I catch a glimpse of him sending it an open command.

My pump is pounding, responsive to the adrenaline rush of my human body. I know exactly who is waiting for me behind that door. Oh, Primus, the tension is almost unbearable.

The door is pushing open. Starscream makes an inviting servo movement to the opening. "Did you think I was going to be there when Megatron folds you up? I'll hear it all the way across the ship anyway. Now get in there before I make you."

Take it easy, I say to myself. Let's talk first. When Megatron attacks, distract, provoke, aim for the neck, the usual strategy. Besides, Starscream only talks nonsense to intimidate me.

I don't show any reaction and step into the room. This looks like the command center to me: The walls are covered with monitors and control consoles, where some other Cons are already dealing with some data in Cybertronic symbols, which I can't decipher from here. In the middle of the room there is an island full of controls and above it floats the spherical display of the hologram unit, where some data streams rush through as Cybertronic symbols, the frequency too high for my human eye, so that everything blurs.

Megatron is standing in front of it, one moment still absorbed in his work, the next he lets the data stream dry up and turns to me with aplomb. His optics fixate me piercingly. At the sight I can feel my knees giving away under me and I want to sink into the ground in fear, but I control my pose, stand up tight and don't show any sign.

"You're afraid I'll punish you, aren't you, Conmother?" He's bluffing, he's bluffing, he doesn't see my reaction, does he? "For setting fire to my command center, destroying the Energon detectors. Killing the doctor who was tasked with retrieving the Allspark from you. And finally you escaped, taking with you all the hopes of our species."

"Um, sorry." I feel bad hearing the accusations like this.

"Sorry? Is that all you can think of to say?"

If I'm not careful, my knees start to shake. He's not really angry yet, but it's like his anger is built up behind a dam and could burst out and crush me at any moment. This is much worse than when he really goes mad, because then I can react, fight, dodge, flee. Instead now I have to stand still and bear this look. I want to throw myself at him: I'm sorry. The doctor sawed me open, I freaked out, I was scared, I wanted to go home. But it wouldn't change anything about the fact we are back to the way we were before - me with the Allspark, which I couldn't give him, even if I wanted to and he ... well, he doesn't have the doctor anymore, but he was useless anyway.

To my surprise, the breath of a smile plays around his lips like a threatening creature lurking in the depths of a lake. "But now you have gained control of the Allspark, is that not so?"

I was wrong. Things have changed. Hmm. It wasn't intended to be, but I don't see how knowing that would help him either. "Starscream told you that, didn't he?" Starscream, who during my escape, when I landed bleeding and panicking on the platform in front of the space bridge, came between me and freedom. Too weak to fight, I had seen no other way to get rid of him but to threaten him with an overload of Energon from the Allspark that would have fried his circuit board. What a coward.

"Since you know anyway, I can tell you. I figured it out. I experimented on the protoforms on Cybertron, gave them certain amounts of Energon and saw how much longer they could survive with it. To kill you, I'd have to pump you so full of Energon that the overheating would roast my human flesh. So, yes, I can control the Allspark, and I could kill you, but I won't do it unless it's absolutely necessary."

Megatron laughs softly. That is the creepiest thing I've heard in a long time, even creepier than Starscream's laugh. "I thought your name was ridiculous, but there's no one more fitting." Oh, great. I'll probably never get rid of that embarrassing name.

"Also, I notice you've recently acquired a newspark signature. I think there's a certain fairness here. You have gained control of the Allspark. And I gained control of you."

"No?"

I am receiving strange signals from my system. It reminds me of pain, but not the physical pain I can feel in metal, but dull and distant, like when I'm in bot mode, receiving emotionless pain signals travelling along my human neural pathways. I reach for the spark as the workload shifts - away from the radio module and the sensors that measure my human values towards the pistons and defense systems. "What was that?" The system communicates in a crude, clumsy manner, as if I suddenly have to spell out every command in single steps.

Megatron is just as puzzled, perhaps a little less than I am. "Fascinating. You're still standing."

"You did something to my sparkling. It's afraid."

Something's stirring. The systems are switching back into their normal mode, if that's the correct description. Megatron likes the new possibilities and pings all my modules one by one. "This is interesting. You have connections to your organism."

Silence. No, not silence, but the constant noise I normally hear in my ears disappears. I reach for my chest. "Did you just stop my heart?"  
I'm referring, of course, to the pump that has taken the job of my heart since Megatron cut it out of my chest.

"Tell me where the controls to the Allspark are if you want me to stop exploring your unusual system."

I laugh distorted and feel strange, so light in the head. I feel dizzy. "I couldn't even tell you where the controls to my radio module or anything else are. I don't have coordinates or a device manager like Windows or whatever you expect." Oh Primus, I'm lost, I'm at his mercy ... no, take it easy, he won't get anywhere, he won't kill me as long as he has to fear losing the Allspark forever. I just have to keep hanging on, like always.

So Megatron continues his exploration. I can't breathe - I have to force myself to breathe. "That was the unconscious breathing." Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out ...

An incredible tiredness suddenly falls on me. "And this ... I can't get to finish the sentence before I fall asleep.

I wake up like from a coma, still half dazed, still trying to make sense of my situation. I lie on a metal berth on a cushion that isolates me from the cold of the ground. What kind of room is this. I see more berthes, but I am so wasted, it makes no sense to me. My system clock ... it's been three days since I last woke up. No, it's been a week, I twisted the numbers. I don't know.

I sit up, try to rub the fatigue off my face. System check. I'm going to do a system check. My machine half looks normal, Sparkling is up, but my blood pressure is low, my blood sugar is down, my muscles feel stiff and weak. Keeping me upright is exhausting.

Next to me is Megatron. Inside I am tense, ready to defend myself. I don't care if I can't do anything in my condition, I would at least try. Next to him is a red Con, which he introduces as Knock Out, a medic.

"I would have let you sleep longer, but you're too weak to hold out any longer." Megatron thinks I'm pathetic.

"Because you only put me to sleep" I explain, while Knock Out gives me food and drink. "Next time you have to activate my hibernation module and shut down my body functions. So you don't accidentally kill me again."

"I never kill accidentally" he replies dryly.

I have just enough time before I can get up on my own before Megatron comands me to follow him. On the way through the ship I have to lean against the wall a few times and regulate my body functions with my hibernation module until I find a setting that keeps me reliably on my feet. Megatron leads me into a hall in the lower, rear section of the ship. A wall opens to a hatch - a hangar to take off and land from the ship. Megatron beckons me towards him at the opening.

An icy wind blows through the hangar and I tighten my clothes. With unsteady steps I move towards the open tailgate, where the sight dazzles me at first. A gust of wind seizes me and I let myself fall on my knees in reverence so as not to fall out of the ship. That would be so embarrassing. Besides, I can give up any attempt to escape - all Decepticons fly faster than me and would have brought me back in no time. If Megatron is having a bad day, he'll shut down my systems to make me fall like a stone, but that's not even necessary.

My eyes slowly get used to the brightness and I see snow, mountains full of snow, steep peaks and low hanging, thick clouds. I want to build a snowman. At one point I see a herd of wild goats climbing over a mountain ridge - the sight gives me a twinge and I get homesick. They are only a leap away from me, but in truth they are unreachable.

Megatron makes a gesture to the landscape below us. "You long for the Earth, don't you? You long to return. Look at this beauty, this untouched nature, as if it were within your grasp. This is what it feels like for us when we look at our home planet crumbling beneath our feet, knowing that you carry the key to our home with you. But it could just as easily have been lost in the vastness of the universe."

I look at the goats. The ship flies on and they disappear into the distance. Yes, I can understand the feeling of wanting to go home and not being able to. But I prefer that my home continues to exist somewhere out there, even if I can't reach it. I prefer to live and long for home instead of dying.

The leader of the Decepticons continues, "I want you to join me and to use the Allspark for me."

The ship flies quietly, and I'm starting to feel safer. I get up and knock off the dust. At first he wanted to take control of it himself, but since that didn't work, he now changes tactics as if I was going to accept. "Why would I join you? You don't even have cookies." Like I'd just agree. Like he expects me to have a serious answer after all this time.

He stays silent. Probably trying to make sense out of what I said. I add, "This is a meme: come to the dark side, we have cookies. By destroying the Earth, you would be destroy a lot of culture, do you know that?"

I see the scariest sight of the day: Megatron seems to have discovered something in his research and smiles. Oh, Primus, that's terrible. I'd rather look at the landscape below again. "The dark side of the Force, that's what we are to you? You haven't understood anything we're standing for."

Megatron turns to go. "I expect to see you back here in half an hour. Be on time if you want to learn something about our culture." The door opens obediently as he approaches. "Try to escape if you want to. Starscream has a scanner on you and will bring you back before you hit a treetop. But surely you've guessed that already."

I'm still trying to enjoy the sight of the Earth and soak up as much of a sense of home as possible, as I don't know when or if I'll ever see it again.

The half hour passes quickly. Soon the hatch is closed, much to my sorrow, but at least it gets a little warmer and I don't have to heat my flesh with nonsense calculations. The Cons make excited allusions in the public channel, which I don't understand without context, and they come in little by little. The hangar is the only room big enough to hold all the Decepticons on board the Nemesis. It's confusing between all the big robots, so I can't see what the reason is. At least it's not about me - most people ignore me.

I crouch down to wait - the Cons are big enough and stand far enough apart so that I can overlook the space between their legs. And jump up again immediately when Starscream comes towards me through the crowd, who the others respectfully avoid. But with the words "calm down, Sparkling. Today the action doesn't revolve around you," he crouches down next to me.

I remain undecided, but he looks straight ahead and makes a theatrical gesture towards the crowd. "This is, as far as I know, a first time for you."

As Starscream pays no further attention to me, I crouch down again after a short hesitation, wondering what he means. First of what? They're all just standing around chatting, waiting for something, I guess.

There's another Mech coming at me a blue ... Decepticon I'm about to think first, but no.

I get up. "What are YOU doing here?" I ask Ripcord. The Cons are watching him with side glances.

"I follow the Allspark, what else?"

I don't understand a thing.

"She has a human brain" Starscream throws in. "You have to spell everything out for her to understand." You dick. Someday I'm gonna pay you back for all this. You'll be surprised.

But Ripcord heard him and explains to me. "I was a priest on Cybertron and I took an oath to guard the Allspark. It was with bitter anticipation that I followed its path as it disappeared after Optimus launched it into space. How it was found on Earth. I heard how it merged with a human and how the Decepticons kidnapped this human to separate the two and finally take control of the Allspark. When I heard that you had escaped with the Allspark from Cybertron and appeared with the Autobots, I had to travel with them to Earth immediately. Maybe there was hope that things could get back to normal. But then I realized that we had already lost, that the Decepticons had already taken over the Allspark. Your expressions, your behavior, everything tells me you've changed sides. So do I."

"You join the Decepticons because of the Allspark? And they call me crazy."

"You don't understand how much it means to me. I've dedicated my life to it. Now everything gets to its right place.

What a jerk. "I'm not ..." but a side glance at Starscream silences me. I can't say that here.

Ripcord crouches down smiling, so he can talk to me better. "When you merged with the Allspark, how exactly did that happen?"

"Look, I've already told this a hundred times. If you're planning on extracting it from me the same way it got in, forget it. The Decepticons have already tried, to no avail."

"I've got a few other approaches."

"And what do they consist of? Praying?"

"Do not underestimate me."

He rises just as Megatron enters and walks forward. The conversations in the room fall silent and the Cons look respectfully to their leader. Ripcord kneels before him.

"Ripcord" Megatron raises the word. "Since you have chosen to join the Decepticons to take your old place as priest of the Allspark, I welcome you into our ranks. Repeat after me."

He quotes an oath and lets Ripcord repeat every single sentence.

"I promise to be faithful and become a good Decepticon to Megatron. I will devote all my spark to regain power on Cybertron with all the consequences. I will destroy all those who have driven us from our homeworld. Surrender is not an option."

Ripcord repeats every syllable with complete earnestness. Then Megatron brings from somewhere a glowing branding iron in the shape of the Decepticon logo.

The sight of it increases my clock speed, my processor warms up a few fractions of a degree. At that moment Megatron's optics turn briefly to me and I think I see the hint of a smile on his faceplate. Also some other Cons turn to me.

Shit, what did Sparkling do now? I try to put it into recharge, but it's too excited to sleep.

I, on the other hand, am horrified by the sight. Megatron wants me to join him? Even if I wanted to, the thought of this ceremony would keep me from joining.

"How hot is it?" I ask Starscream in a low voice.

"You'll survive."

"That's not the answer to my question."

"That is exactly the answer to the question you should be asking. Additionally to the temperature, you'd need area, contact time and availability of medical support to reach the same conclusion. You're welcome." Oh, good. Then I can get back to figuring out the temperature when I get bored. Not. As long as I don't get into the emergency of using the branding iron as a weapon, it's not worth the trouble.

"Welcome, Decepticon." Megatron puts the branding iron on Ripcord. Ripcord cries out in pain, his optics flashing red. My beat rate is peaking, and I feel like I'm getting a fever from the heat. I stop all unnecessary processes and long for cooling. Ripcord sinks to his knees in pain. I extend my tail and chew on it nervously, so uncomfortable does the sight make me. But everyone else is calmly watching as Ripcord writhes and slowly gets used to the pain - I suppose they have seen this hundreds of times before. They don't make a big deal out of it.

Starscream explains: "This is the price we pay for belonging, and it reminds us that leaving would be much more painful."

Ripcord slowly rises, strongly ventilating to cool down his system. Megatron raises his voice. "Nighthawk will transmit you the protocols and inform me when you are ready to begin your duties. That's it, you can go." In fact, neither a party is thrown nor fireworks are lighted.

A black and white Mech steps up to Ripcord and whispers softly at him.

The action is probably over, because the first Cons are already leaving the hall. I'm just about to leave when Starscream calls out, "Hey, Sparkling." He beckons me to come closer, but this sneaky grin deters me. He waves again emphatically until I am close enough that he can speak to me in a subdued manner without everyone hearing. I want to leave so badly. "If you show Ripcord your spark, I'll give you 100 Shanix."

Ridiculous. After all the times he tricked me, I'd rather make a deal with Unicron than Starscream. "Forget it. Aside from the fact that I don't trust you any further than I can chase you, I don't even know how much that is or how I'd carry that around with me." In all my time on Cybertron, I've never come into contact with money. I have never seen others pay with it, nor have I ever found a coin anywhere, as it sometimes happens to people on Earth. I thought its existence was just a myth. It's a saying if someone calls Megatron rich. Or something confusing which on the surface resembles a human concept, but which makes no sense, like with Cybertronic units of measurement.

Starscream smiles and makes a servo movement as if he's snapping something at his forehead.

I receive a transmission with my radio module, but somehow on a different channel than the rest of my communication, strange. I receive a piece of code and load it into my memory for viewing.

How cool is that - it's a coin. I examine the piece of compact code, look at it in a simulation, very confusing, but somehow also cool, I think there is the history of all data transfers in the coin in a very small space, so it's too complicated for me to read, also the coin has a kind of fingerprint, which is represented as a bright yellow structure consisting of filigree threads. Its own code prevents me from duplicating it.

"How cool is this?" I squeal with delight and turn the coin before my inner eye. "That's so cool!" Several Cons look around for the source of the strange sound I make.

Starscream puts on a bored smile, as if to say: This little creature with its underdeveloped technology is so easy to impress.

But I ignore him while I look at the coin from all sides and try to understand it.

"You can buy yourself a portion of wax with this" Starscream explains.

I have a coin, I am rich! I'm not spending it on wax. I'm keeping it as a souvenir. Besides, I'm not painted anyway.

I stop with my playings. "What's the catch?" I ask pointlessly, as if he was going to tell me. "It's probably one of your stupid tricks."

"I promise you by my spark that I'm not trying to trick you. Show Ripcord your spark, let me know, and I will give you 100 Shanix on the spot."

No, I won't do that. I've fallen for Starscream too many times to make a deal with him.

On Diego Garcia, Ratchet was obviously partly responsible for watching my back by blocking my unconscious outputs. Here it's easy for Ripcord and anyone else who has an interest in tracking me down.

"Show me the Allspark." He suddenly appears in the hallway in front of me.

"Go away."

I transform and run away, across several floors, through some rooms, there I transform back and peek around the corner behind me - no one to see.

I continue my way to explore the ship in this area, then Ripcord is in front of me again. "The Allspark. You cannot escape me."

"Leave me alone."

I escape, hide in a storeroom between some boxes in a crevice I discovered purely by accident, and I'm very quiet. Nevertheless, soon after I hear Ripcord's step pattern, which arouses disgust in me. He stops in front of the mountain of boxes and knocks against them. "The Allspark, if you please. Then I'll leave you alone. For now."

At that moment, Starscream's suggestion stops looking so bad. The sight of my spark is a ridiculous price for my tranquility.

I leave my hiding place. "I take your word for it."

Ripcord smiles with satisfaction.

I lift up my top and open my chest. Blue light illuminates Ripcord's faceplate, freezing his smile on it.

"That ... is not the Allspark."

Oh, the look on his face. The disappointment. What a glorious sight. I could not look at it for hours. "Too bad, you betrayed your friends for nothing."

He's reaching for the whip at his hip. His optics turn red.

"Hey, what ..."

He swings the whip at me. I transform and jump aside. Both on takeoff and landing my claws leave distinct scratch marks on the ground.

"I'll kill you, you impostor!"

I take refuge behind a stack of crates. A hit cracks one of the crates and wax blocks fly in all directions. Bullets ricochet off my outer case, but the force of the whip behaves differently - I don't want to be hit by it.

"Starscream, you dick" I send over the public channel, while I take refuge behind a new stack of crates and think about how to get to the door. Not that anyone will be surprised or offended by the statement. He tricked me again - the insult is a natural reaction that most of them can understand, even if only a few would dare to raise the word against Starscream. He found out about Ripcord and guessed that he would react that way. What a tinhead.

Ah, idea. I climb up on top of the pile. My claws are punching holes in the boxes - nothing explosive, I hope. At the top I throw myself against a crate to throw it on Ripcord, but they're too heavy. A crate bursts below me and I fall to the ground through a hail of alien tools. I quickly jump up and Ripcord's next attack drives me into the open space, away from the crates.

"What's going on here?" Megatron's voice thunders across the room.

Ripcord is frozen in his backswing, I'm frozen in my jump-ready duck. At the same time, we abandon the fight - I transform back - and turn to him. Behind Megatron, Starscream is standing in the doorway, laughing his head off. What an ass.

Megatron is looking at me. Of course it's me again, the destroyer of Cybertron, the downfall of his species ... "You're scratching up my ship." He's pointing to the ground, which is covered with lines.

"It's not my fault. Ripcord attacked me and I had to dodge."

"It is your fault. You better learn to retreat your claws."

I grumble. Megatron turns to Ripcord. "And for your sake, I hope your attacks were not fatal, because any action that threatens the Allspark is strictly forbidden."

Ripcord points angrily at me. "This is not the Allspark. That thing there in her chest is a perfectly ordinary spark."

Megatron crosses his arms before his mighty chest. It says: How dare you question my judgment? "Conmother, show him" he commands. I don't understand what he means. "What?"

Megatron theatrically fans his servo over his shoulder as he points behind him in a gesture of revelation on Starscream. "Starscream told me about how you threatened him to let you pass to the space bridge. Show Ripcord the power of the Allspark."

Oh, damn, I forgot all about that. I remember the words of Patchwork, who warned me not to use the power of the Allspark too often and transform. Silently, I let an Energon flash jump from one servo to another and transform back.

Megatron says, "That's how you killed the doctor, didn't you?" I nod silently.

Ripcord watched in amazement. He still seems to have difficulty understanding the whole thing, but for the moment he has calmed down.

The leader of the Decepticons turns to his newest subject. "You will clean up the mess you've made here." Then he turns to me. "And you will take one of the wax clots and you will treat the scratches. None of you will step under my optics until the room looks the same as before. And you." And the last word goes to me. "You report to my command center as soon as you're done here."

He's leaving the room, not without throwing Starscream an angry glance, who returns it calmly.

Starscream has watched everything with satisfaction. He stands casually leaning against the frame, arms crossed, watching us go to work.

I try to ignore him, rubbing the lump of wax over one of the scratches. Okay, Megatron is right: The damage here is my fault. But how am I supposed to learn to retract my claws? I'm not a cat, this function is not provided for in my design. Should I go to a mechanic and get my claws upgraded or what? And offer him a Shanix for his work?

Suddenly I receive a money transfer. A hundred Shanix, I have 101 total. I stop in surprise at my work and turn to Starscream. "Oh, you fulfill your part of the deal? Even though I refused?"

"Of course I do." He can barely wipe that grin off his face. "I want you to keep your mind open to future deals." 

"Maybe I'd be more open to them if you'd stop trying to trick me."

"Stop whining, Sparkling. Obviously, it wasn't enough if you keep falling for the same tricks over and over again." This reminds me of the Optimus thing again. How embarrassing.

Ripcord is listening intently to our conversation. "What's that supposed to mean? Don't tell me this was all set up."

"Yes, it was a Starscream conspiracy" I interject, taking the opportunity for a side blow. "Get used to it. Everybody has to go through this. That's why he has no friends." I say the last sentence out loud in Starscream's direction, to make sure he hears it.

Probably everyone else would get a slap now, but Starscream doesn't let the chance pass him by either. "Oh, and your friends are where? The ones who come to visit you on Cybertron, cheer you on in the arena, eat energon snacks with you while you're watching bad entertainment together?"

That hit home. The Autobots ... were never there. The Decepticons are all I remember from Cybertron. The room suddenly seems so big and empty.

"You might want to start making friends. This might be a good opportunity." He leaves the room and leaves me in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist: Starscream is the true mother of Decepticons.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seldra is resisting with all possible means.

I enter the command center. Megatron is already standing in front of the island, getting some data displayed.

When I enter, he gives me a long look. What does that mean? I try to read his gaze. I thought he ordered me to ... Suddenly the money transfer channel in my radio module reacts. The counter of my coins drops rapidly from 101 to zero. "Hey!" I wave my hands in front of my head as if I could hold them back. "I just earned that."

"With this I'll pay for some of the damage you've caused" Megatron explains, turning unmoved back to the hologram display. "After you set fire to my command tower, you don't deserve to own anything."

"But Megatron!" How mean, my hard-earned money. "It's nothing compared to your wealth."

"Oh, that's comfortable, isn't it?" he asks cynically, and turns back to me. "I pay your bills. My species pays for your mistakes. My home planet is dying because of you! When will you learn to do your part for others?"

"All right, keep it." I'll swallow this lump in my throat. It's hard to hear like that. "I'm sorry." Like that's gonna change anything.

"Wait there" Megatron orders me, gives me a sign, and I crouch down at the side. The leader of the Decepticons now stands with his back to me at the island and I can watch the screens submit to his command.

With my radio module I perceive the flow of data packets emanating from Megatron, so numerous that I think the air would be thick with them and I would drown if I tilted my head a little forward. This mass of data would roast my brain if I tried to evaluate them all or even send them out myself, but Megatron handles the data storm with ease.

I measure the signal strength - another data point to estimate Megatron's strength in comparison with other collected data and thus calculate the amount of Energon that would kill him. The new date fits seamlessly into the points I already have. The result is the same: I am powerless. I have nothing to counter his strength.

Which will not stop me from trying again and again for as long as it takes.

However, what all these orders mean, I cannot say. They're encrypted with some private protocols that I don't have. It's like every single data packet is rejecting me and slamming the door in my face.

I am still absorbed in admiring these masses of data when the river suddenly ebbs away and Megatron turns to me with a mysterious smile. Shit, he's got some plan.

He lets a picture of a spaceship appear on the screen in front of him and steps aside so I can see it too. I've never seen this ship before. He shows another one and another one, switches over quite fast so that I hardly have time to look at it. Then a picture of the Trion appears. It stops for longer - Megatron's smile, with which he still looks at me, gets wider. Oh, Sparkling is probably telling him something right now, but no idea what exactly. That's creepy. I don't know anything about the Trion, so what is he excited about?

Next he shows me a bunch of Autobots. Some of them I've never seen before, and he changes the pictures pretty fast. But I also recognize Optimus Prime, Ratchet, Hot Rod ... the ones I know, he shows for longer. Sparkling, what are you doing, what are you telling him? Damn it, Megatron is stealing data off of me. I'm betraying them all right now.

I close my eyes. Now I can't see. Sparkling can't pick up the images or respond to them.

Megatron laughs. "Just look away, and I'll get my information in some other way."

Now he sends me the images directly to my radio module. Although I have closed my eyes, they appear in the window of my interface. I can move the data stream into a concurrent thread, I can command it not to send it to my brain. But no matter what I do, I cannot prevent Sparkling from receiving it. Oh Primus, I'm putting them all in danger.

No, this is not the end. I can still fight. I stand up, glare at Megatron and say, "No." Then I call up my simulations, but without shutting off my senses, so I stay in the here and now. From the depths of my memory I generate images of the Earth, my beloved Earth, which he wants to destroy, and send them aimlessly into the ether. Landscapes: gardens, beaches, mountains, forests, cities. In sunshine, animated, buried under snow, rainy and deserted. I send flowers, people dressing up, a little girl riding a goat ... Oops, I accidentally sent a baby picture of me, but nobody will notice anyway. For every picture that Megatron sends me, I reply with a flood of photos that washes away Megatron's picture. I send out so many pictures that my radio module is too busy to receive some itself, and I hope they keep Sparkling busy. But the load on my brain makes me tired and I wonder how long I can keep it up.

"How adorable" comments Megatron. He could probably just turn off my data module, but he accepts the challenge and answers with his own data storm.

He answers with countless images of Cybertron like I've never seen it before, probably from the time before the war, before the decay. A brightly polished plane of metal, its plates extending to the horizon. A city whose buildings are made of glass-like crystal structures. A kind of desert of rust-colored sand, enclosed by surrounding spiral mountains. A city with the honeycomb structure familiar to me, with buildings stretching into the sky, where densely packed Cybertronians fly around on their pathes. What a beautiful, fascinating planet, I would love to explore it ... oh wait, that's not possible.

Then he sends me a picture that takes my breath away: a herd of Mech goats with red optics climbing up a spiral mountain. Impossible. I've seen rats and pterosaurs on Cybertron, but no ... Could it be a coincidence? Did my single goat image make him do it, did he see the herd in the mountains when we were at the open tailgate?

In amazement, I stopped transmitting for a second. The examples of Cybertron's beauty continue to pounce on me, the data floods my radio module and pushes my own spam attempts into insignificance. So I change my tactics, call up a video of my inner system and stream every single frame into the ether.

A quiet headache comes up and I take a look at my sensors. The load of the stream makes the temperature of my processor rise noticeably. While I'm still thinking about how far I can go without grilling my brain, a new self-protection reflex comes up and the data stream stops.

That's it. I send commands to my radio module, but it ignores me. I try to put Sparkling into recharge, but it won't listen. Unhindered, Megatron's data packets now reach my interface. When he notices that nothing more is coming from my side, he lowers the flood and sends me again single images, for which he retrieves Sparkling's data. I lost another fight. I try a little longer to force the modules to obey, but it's useless and my headache only gets worse.

Calmly Megatron turns back to his screen, but I hear him smile with satisfaction. "I cannot let you go with all that your little companion knows and blurts out. I hope you can see that."

I don't answer, but I crouch down again and watch the pictures of Diego Garcia and Cybertron passing by my radio module. Sparkling has no memory of Cybertron.

Yes, I am a walking data gap, too dangerous to let me run around while the war is still going on, even if I didn't have the Allspark anymore. I am a traitor at heart - literally. But I never expected Megatron's approval anyway.

After the long day in the command center, when my headaches subside, when my system temperature normalizes and I slowly get tired, Megatron orders me to follow him.

Simulating makes me tired. The constant commands I give to the machine, my incitement, my inner screaming of nerve impulses along the pathways to the tiny cables who receive them makes me tired. I am too tired to refuse this order, or even consider it. But as we descend deeper into the ship, where fewer and fewer Cons are walking around, until we go through the corridors alone, I get suspicious. I become nervous.

"Where are we going?", I ask, blinking into the corridor lights with tired eyes.

"In a moment." There's no need for him to say more, and I couldn't say the answer would reassure me.

Slowly the realization comes to me as he stops in front of a door that opens obediently by itself, triggered by the aura of pure respect. No, nonsense, he sent an open command in Cybertronic. I only imagine that the non-conscious machines react to his commands a microsecond faster than to others. He's the father of all Earth technology, and if I still had my cell phone, it would kiss his feet.

Behind the door a wide room opens up. In the middle there is a screen above a round table, similar to the one in the command center. On the right wall is a berth. Opposite I discover another door. These are private quarters.

Oh, no, Alone-Time with Megatron. Primus, get me out of here. I hate this place. Whatever he's up to, I don't want it, certainly not. My steps are hard. I must force myself not to show any reaction.

"Aw" I pretend to be delighted. "Don't tell me you're inviting me to a Game of Thrones TV night with snacks."

Megatron turns as the door closes behind me and gives me a look that says how little seriously he takes my game. But to my surprise, instead of getting angry, he smiles. "If you give me the Allspark, I'll do that before I wipe out your world."

He's joking. He actually made a joke. I'm so surprised, I don't react.

"That's what I thought."

I step around nervously behind his back, still wondering what this is all about. This is so completely different from everything I experienced on Cybertron. I can handle the fighting and the humiliation, but Megatron quality time? That's way over my head.

Megatron gives an order to the back door, which slides open - he is so powerful that he doesn't have to do anything himself. I don't know why he puts up with me and doesn't delegate the job ... oh, of course my babysitter isn't available since I switched him off, but still. "I allow you to cleanse your body" he says with a gesture towards the door.

Cautiously I approach. The back room reminds me of a car wash with the huge brushed rollers. There is a grille embedded in the floor through which the water that is sprayed from nozzles on the ceiling can run off. Surprise. "Your civilization knows showers."

"Why should we take care of you when you can take care of yourself? Do you think my warriors became so strong because I coddled them? On Cybertron, you could help yourself. Here, you can't."

Tz. I walked around for hours on Cybertron to get from one place to another for such basic activities as body cleansing or food intake. For a machine that lives almost eternally, this may be irrelevant, but as a human being with my limited lifespan, this is a waste of my time. Meanness.

While I'm in the shower, Megatron has my dinner brought in, but I can barely eat.

Then he picks something off the table that I can't see from down here. "I have something for you."

"Sure" I say. "But do I want it?"

"I'm sure you do."

So? And why would he give me something I want?

He holds me the servo. Opens it up. There's my screwdriver lying there - I'm stung by the sight of it. I think of the pleasant feeling when Patchwork examined my components and ... no, I have to put those thoughts out of my mind. He is far away, safe, as it should be.

But there's something I don't like about it. I want to reach for it and I hesitate. What interest does Megatron have in returning it to me? I look into his faceplate and see him smiling. "Take it" he demands.

"What is it? Is Sparkling talking to you? What does it say?"

His smile becomes even wider as he feeds on my rising fear. "Everything. You have exchanged a sign of fellowship" Megatron remarks. "You are more than friends."

There we go again with that thing. "That is not true. We're not even the same species." I decide to take the screwdriver. It's not a sign of affinity to me. It's a weapon.

Megatron raises a digit and points to the center of my body. "Is a human heart beating in your chest? There you have it."

I still feel human. What does it matter? "That's different." I hang the screwdriver from its string around my neck.

"Tz. There you go for a star cycle through Decepticon territory and then you bond with an Autobot. You shouldn't even talk to them."

"He's not really an Autobot" I'm half-lying in reference to what Optimus told me. "You know him. You had him kidnapped to fix me when I couldn't transform anymore, remember?" That makes it better from my point of view. It's like I have permission to talk to him.

Megatron denies. "I merely gave the order to kidnap any Autobot medic. M-426237 was responsible for executing it."

"Then why, after I escaped, did you have his village burned to the ground?"

"It were the Autobots who launched an attack from there. Besides, no one escapes me, so he can't ..." He stops like he remembers something, then he smiles big.

When Megatron throws a tantrum, everything is fine. Okay, he's particularly scary and there's a danger of him killing someone, but other than that it's a good sign - something didn't go as planned. You hope that you're not the target of his anger, then you avoid him and wait until he calms down. All right, I admit it, most of the time I am the annoyance, and because my death would wipe the Allspark from the universe, Megatron limited himself to throwing me into the arena, where my punishment was taken over by less lethal Cons.

When Megatron smiles, it is a cause for concern. Like when birds flee the area because a storm is coming. Megatron's good humor heralds the approaching apocalypse, but there are not many who know the pattern, and even fewer who would benefit from the knowledge.

"So the little Autobot tricked us. Interesting."

Sparkling ... just told Megatron about Patchwork's stealth mode. He didn't want anyone to know about it, it saved his life when they invaded his village, maybe more often, no one expects an Autobot to be able to take himself apart and put himself back together again. I ... I just took away his only advantage.

I reach for the screwdriver at my neck and realize with horror that this might soon be the only thing I have left of my friend.

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? You're never letting me go anyway."

"The war stands between you" mumbles Megatron. "The war you could end."

Silence. Every time he asks for the Allspark, he remains silent for a few seconds, giving me time to answer, but I never do.

Since I do not respond, he eventually goes to his berth. Settles down on it. Makes a welcoming servo move. "My berth is big enough for two and more comfortable than the floor ... if you like ..."

I'm amazed. My blood seems to be stagnating. Megatron offers me to share the berth with him, what is that supposed to mean, is that a double meaning, with humans it's something very personal, but for machines, what does that mean, what does he want from me, what should I do, I've never heard of that, I'm not prepared for that.

"I should sleep with you? No." My heart is kicking like an animal in a cage and that is strange, because my heart is actually a pump and still follows the regulations of my nervous system. As long as I don't interfere. I lower the frequency, but I still get sick at the thought.

"Whatever you say." The leader of the Decepticons sends a command to the light and it turns black, only his red optics glow in the dark. "It's possible you might make a different decision tomorrow. Or the day after. We have all the time we need. Good night, Conmother."

I take my usual sleeping position and can only think: Megatron has accepted a no. That's unusual. And he smiles. Something is going on exactly according to his plan, how can this be, what kind of plan can it be, where I sleep on the floor in his room? And what would have happened if I had agreed? Just the thought of spending a night so close to someone who wants me dead makes me break out in a cold sweat.

I try to calm down and sleep.

It's dark. Sparkling is asleep, but I'm awake. The predator lies there, the king of predators, and I can't sleep. His optics are closed, not the slightest red glint is visible. There he lies, charging, not moving. He sleeps, he doesn't notice what's happening around him. But I, I am awake and notice everything.

In the darkness I look over to him, where I last saw him, hear the soft hum of his circuits, the crackling of the Energon that is decaying in his chest, and as electricity moves into his battery for the next day that may come. New energy to continue the war, to kill, destroy and make plans.

But now he lies there, almost helpless. I could walk over to him without him noticing it.

Silently I rise, sneak a few steps to him, as if I wanted to watch him sleeping. Still he does not move. I can get that close without him noticing. Hardly a step distance remains between us. The warm skin of my face feels the cold that his metal radiates.

The distance to his neck is less than the length of my tail. I could do it, in this moment, he wouldn't even have enough time to react when he saw the movement. My tail tip would make contact with his system, I wouldn't even need the screwdriver he carelessly gave me. I could switch him off, put an infinite loop in his memory, like I did with M-426237, this time without time limit. I could deprive the Decepticons of their leader. I could end the war.

One day I might look back on this moment and think to myself, "Oh, I could have done it. I could have saved them all: The humans, the Autobots, most of all myself. All the destruction, all the killing, I could've ended it. Tomorrow Patchwork will die because of my betrayal and the day after tomorrow I will regret not having used this moment. What a terrible thought.

My heart starts beating faster as I prepare myself, almost so loudly that I'm afraid it might wake him up and regulate it down - nonsense, even then I would be fast enough at his neck.

I'm no hero. I've caused so much destruction. But this is my chance to make up for some of it.

I'm breathing loudly and I regulate it down. Hesitating. Why am I hesitating? Do I want to turn around and go to sleep? Then I would sit there awake again and ponder for hours whether or not I should do it. The thought will torture me, even more so if I wait until morning, after that I will feel guilty.

No, this is the moment. It's the right thing to do. I have decided.

The tip of my tail is advancing to where I last saw Megatron's head, precisely calculated by the processor. The fine ends unravel, contacting his pathways.

Just before I start feeding my program, bright red optics open in the darkness. "I was wondering how long you'd be waiting." My program is interrupted when his protocols cut off the data transmission.

Damn, it was a trap. How did I not see this coming? In panic, I try to disconnect, but it's too late. Megatron has already taken control of my system and is blocking all commands I send to my processor, then sends my consciousness away from reality.

I found myself on the beach in my home simulation. Well, not exactly. Still, the deep orange-red sun was shining through the fog over the sea. I stood in the white sugar sand and behind me, inland, the forest of bare, black-burned trees and undergrowth began. Because of my time on Diego Garcia, green palm trees grew in between and in the distance a single coconut crab ran across the beach in search of the next coconut. The real difference was that the simulation seemed static. If I controlled it, I filled it with expenditures of my subconscious with life, so that it could hardly be distinguished from reality. Here I lifted some sand to let it trickle through my fingers and it reacted like a lump of airy plasticine delayed to my interaction. The details were missing on closer inspection.

I dropped the lump of sand on the ground, which shortly afterwards connected to the ground from one frame to the other and lifted me up. Usually the fog transmitted some images from my external sensors. This time I saw data streams moving like drops through the fog - Megatron rummaged through my entire system and fed all my data into his own memory. He could now examine my modules and functions in every detail. This had to be the biggest triumph of the week for him. How could I, as an underdeveloped life form, dare to mess with a machine intelligence that calculated my every step in advance. I had never had a chance. Still, I was surprised at how long I had lasted. Was it over now? Damn. How did I get out without accessing my systems?

Megatron kept digging and digging. My music, data from the experiments and my measurements and strength estimates of various Decepticons I had the pleasure of experiencing in battle, as well as a fallback formula to calculate strength from size, in case of emergency. From many I had collected one or two readings, but Megatron, oh Megatron. I had collected all the data I could find on him. Today, I had estimated his strength from the data stream he was generating, but I had also used his speed, the firepower of his fusion cannon, even strength, number and lifespan of his offspring he occasionally pulled from the Spark to calculate. Megatron was now able to calculate for himself how many degrees my metal would heat up if I killed him. No way, as a machine he could certainly calculate the exact amount of coal I would turn into.

Megatron must have been flattered by all the data I had collected about his strength. "How adorable how you calculate my death. Unfortunately, for nothing. Thousands have tried to kill me and failed."

"Did you find my porn collection, too?" I asked cheekily.

3-D models of scans appeared in the fog, simulation models, places from Earth and Cybertron. My map of the Autobot base with all the information I had collected on my scout tours, so detailed that even Megatron could feed a realistic simulation from it. All the access codes I had collected ... Except for the images in the fog, I didn't notice any of it. But it felt like I'd seen it all and he had to end his search.

Finally the fog froze and I could literally feel the thoughtful silence.

"Why can't I access your brain? Why can't I read your thoughts, why can't I call up your memories" complained Megatron's disembodied voice that sounded over the sea from everywhere. I couldn't wipe away a gloating grin. Even though I was helpless here, even though Megatron had won, his victory was not complete. There was always something to spoil his day.

"Because my brain gives orders to my processor" I told the sea. "But not the other way around, otherwise any living thing on Cybertron could hack into my mind and I'd catch a virus or something. Why would I even want to read my own thoughts? I already know them. The most you can do is input through the neural pathways of my senses, like the simulation is doing right now." I grinned provocatively to allay my fear when a horrible thought crossed my mind. "Look at the pain receptors, you might want to try them." Oh Primus, I could only hope he didn't do that. That would be a hundred times worse than the "world of horror" I used to tease the others occasionally with.

"No", I heard him say, breathing a sigh of relief. "If I knew this would help our cause, I would have done it already on Cybertron." Whether or not I would have been worse off had he done that was another matter. "What about the Allspark? How do you control the energy surges from the Allspark? I only have access to the small supply of Energon in your Spark."

"Yes, fascinating, isn't it?" I had already accidentally emitted Energon shocks from the Allspark as a human, so it couldn't be a machine function. That was all I knew about it. "Let's call it a draw. Your trap was superb, hats off, but your plan didn't work out."

"We'll see about that." Megatron did not let me provoke him. "I like you like this. The newspark talks to me without you going around doing nonsense. I'll give you plenty of time to think about your mistakes and to consider your cooperation with me."

I waited silently to see if there was something more to come, but Megatron was gone and I only heard the waves rolling onto the beach. In the simulation I felt neither hunger nor thirst - as long as it was not intended. One second here could correspond to one second in reality or one minute or vice versa. Was he trying to get me to give him control over the Allspark through boredom? Ridiculous. It would never work.

Simulations were my specialty, one of the few things I was good at. Megatron got delusions of domination over me? What hubris, what arrogance. He'd be surprised. For there was something that I myself had painfully experienced. I couldn't explain it, but it probably had something to do with the fact that the human brain worked in analog mode, whereas the processors worked digitally, at least that was my theory. The data format was different. The communication between the simulation and my brain had to be converted, but not when it was fed into the main memory of a machine. After a while, people could learn to distinguish them from reality even in realistic simulations, but machines could not. Humans lived in their own little world of their brains, while machines saw and were everything they had in memory. Humans were able to take different, unforeseen paths. Humans could leave simulations, but it could take years to find a way.

But this was my home simulation. The environment, the boundaries were designed by me in the style of a dream I once had had. A dream in which I set out from the world I knew, on a journey through the sea, where I had found this place.

So I went into the water, brrr, cold - but only for the first moment. It would be more pleasant in bright sunshine.

After a few meters the water was deep enough that I changed over to swimming. Nobody reacted. Comfortably - I had all the time in the world - I swam towards the sun into the fog, further and further. First the fog became thicker, until I couldn't see the sun anymore, but I swam on, always straight ahead. Then it got darker and darker until I swam through blackness. Finally even the cold and the resistance of the water decreased with every swim. I swam through the air, then out of the air into the void, I fell ...

And I wake up in the med bay. Half happy, half surprised that it actually worked. I've never been in the need to try it myself before. How much time has passed? Two weeks. Two weeks in which I don't know what has happened to me. Two weeks in which he might have carried my lifeless body halfway across the world or deposited it somewhere in a lonely place without me ever knowing. At least Megatron remembered to activate the hibernation system this time. I'm not hungry, but cold and stiff and slowly start to warm up my muscles.

Knock Out stares at me in surprise. "That's impossible" he mumbles. "Megatron has shut you down." "Yeah, I've been hearing that a lot lately. Every time I hear that, it's disappointment."

I look around. It's so quiet on the ship and in the channel. "Where is everybody?" "On a mission" he replies. Well, when I'm not around, Megatron has time to pursue his hobby of crushing Autobot rebellions. Whatever the outcome, I'm sure I'll put him in a very bad mood when he gets back.

Knock Out hasn't received any instructions in case I wake up, so I drag myself across the med bay to speed up the warming of my muscles.

About the time I reach operating temperature, the Cons return to the ship. Knock Out informs them of my awakening and it's no longer worth hiding or whatever I might do.

"Oh, you're already awake" warbles Megatron in a good mood, completely uncharacteristic of him when he meets me in the med bay, where he delivers some damaged comrades. Shit. When Megatron is in a good mood, it means trouble. That smile puts the sheer cold sweat of fear on my forehead. I'm insecure.

"I am truly surprised. How is this possible?"

I hide my feelings as best I can and put my mischievous tone back on. "Didn't you see that movie Matrix where people leave the simulation the robots created? Humans can do that. Yes, I know that you always find that out at the most inopportune moment. I told you it would be a bad idea to wipe out human civilization with their knowledge and culture."

"Tch. I would have woken you up soon anyway", he explains and steps towards me. I have to pull myself together, not to retreat nervously. With a mysterious smile he holds something out to me - a big, round cookie, impaled between two fingers. A cookie whose yellow, crispy dough smells freshly baked, with large pieces of chocolate in it, the aroma of which drives the water into my mouth. Now I'm hungry. But I look up expectantly to Megatron. What is this about?

"Take it."

Gently, like a treasure, I take the cookie with both hands. Oh, it's still warm inside. "How many people have you killed for this?"

He just laughs in reply. "If you don't want it, give it back, I'll throw it away."

I break the cookie in half and enjoy the soaring, appetizing vapors. This is clearly good, human craftsmanship. I bite into it, the cookie offers a short resistance before it crumbles pleasantly crunchy under my teeth and chocolate aroma spreads in several islands on my tongue. Wonderful.

If only there wasn't Megatron lecturing me. "I feed your selfishness. When are you going to do something for others? You don't want me to wipe out the humans because humans are your species. That argument is no longer valid."

I don't quite understand what he's trying to tell me, because I'm still halfway through the cookie that is sadly, quickly coming to an end. Somehow I get the feeling that my transformation into half a machine suits him just fine.

"I have something else for you" he says when I have finished eating and steps to the door. "Follow me."

He leads me through the ship, deep down into little-known corridors, down to the jail. There aren't many things that are ... oh.

With his mysterious smile Megatron steps aside and points with a sweeping gesture to the only occupied cell.

With disbelief, then with growing horror, I stare at the figure in the cell whose brown paint barely reflects the light. "Patchwork!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn, they got Patchwork. Shit is hitting the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Things are getting dark here. Threats of Rape/Non-Con. Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Consensual Cuddling.
> 
> **Strong Warning:** Seriously, I'm close to a mental breakdown whenever I read it for editing. Be warned.

I rush to the cell to see him at close range. Oh no, they've got Patchwork, it can't be true, how could this have happened? They have leverage over me. What am I talking about? They have THE leverage. I have to protect him. I have to get him out of here, but how can I do that, I can't even get myself out.

"Seldra."

"Are you all right?" I almost scream the question. His cell is bounded by a glowing grid that makes it tingle in my metal if I get too close. The sensation prevents me from touching it. He wears my screwdriver around his neck.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He gives me a big grin. "I hid in the lab as a pile of scrap, but somehow they knew it and took my parts. Otherwise, they treated me well." Shit. It was me. It's all my fault, I betrayed him, Sparkling betrayed him. Would it have helped if I had stayed on base? No, it would have been even worse if they'd taken him right away. That shouldn't have happened. Desperately, I let my head hang down.

"Hey, Seldra." I look at him. "We'll get through this. You beat Rage with nothing but a screwdriver." He reaches for the pendant hanging from his neck.

"Um, well, that was a lie." He stops shortly. I can literally see it rattling around in his processor, pushing the memory blocks around to incorporate this new, unfitting information into his world view.

"But ... but then why did you say it?"

"For many reasons. To brag to the Decepticons ... to earn my respect ... to annoy Rage ... I lost every battle on Cybertron. Um, plus a few draws."

"But what about the other stories? That you defied the Decepticons during your captivity, over and over again?"

"Well." I lower my eyes and swallow. It's hard for me to admit the truth. "Most of it was coincidence. I do something and then I'm surprised by the consequences."

I hear the disillusionment, the disappointment from the length of his silence. But then he decides not to show it. "It doesn't matter. You have a strong will and outstanding creativity. I am fine, they do not hurt me. We'll find a solution."

Megatron interrupts us. "Visiting time is over."

I sigh. In Megatron's presence, I cannot say what is on my mind. Silently, I take one last look at Patchwork, then I let them take me out. "What are you going to do with him?" I ask.

"Later", he only replies and lets me be taken back to the storage in dark foreboding.

I'm in the storage room, trying to sleep. My heart is beating quickly, my mind is racing. All I can think about is Patchwork. When I think of what they can do to him, I feel sick.

It's enough, I give up trying to sleep. When all is quiet, I sneak down to the prison.

A single Con stands guard there. It's Ripcord. That's a good thing.

I say, "May I visit Patchwork?"

"No."

"Why not?"

He touches the whip on his belt. "Why do you think I'm standing here? To keep you out. And don't come with your stupid screwdriver."

Sparkling is in recharge. If it was awake, it would give away my position and what I'm doing, probably. But today ain't Ripcord's lucky day. Time to teach him a lesson.

"Nah, they'd have sent someone stronger. Just because you're a priest doesn't mean--"

While he is still waiting for the sequel, I transform and jump ahead. He still pulls the whip in time to lash out at me, but I evade and jump up to his neck, take him out - traditionally with a ten hour time limit, that should be enough. Crashing he falls to the ground - I'm sure the whole ship heard that.

Anyway, I hurry and put Sparkling, which has awakened by the action, back into recharge.

The noise has awakened Patchwork and he watches my coming. "Seldra!"

I'm relieved he's all right. He's unharmed, he's not wearing restraints, only the energy barrier keeps him inside. Which I'm stopping in front of. And think what to say. Now we are alone and I can speak freely, but how should I use this freedom?

"I cannot sleep. I'm scared shitless for you."

He smiles at me confidently. "You don't have to. I can take care of myself."

That innocent creature. I'm filled with despair. "I know the Decepticons," I whisper. "They had to keep a low profile so the Allspark wouldn't die with me. But with you ..." My mind's going crazy. I'm sobbing.

"Oh Seldra. Come here."

He sits down beside the barrier and he holds a servo out to me. I put my little arm through the glowing grid and grab his digit. That makes me feel a little better.

"I can fix anything," he assures me. "Really, anything." I nod, not sure whether to believe him or not. I've never lost a fight, at least not really. The arena fights mean nothing. But if something happens to him, I feel I will lose for the first time.

"I'm thinking about giving in," I whisper. "If I join Megatron, he will let you go."

"Seldra." He puts his thumb gently on my tiny hand. "Megatron will ask you to use the power of the Allspark for him." I sigh in agreement. "If too much of your body transforms, you will die," he continues.

"What will become of the Allspark then? Last time, it disappeared when they almost killed me."

"I wouldn't bet on that happening again. Probably your sparkling will take over."

I'm getting cold. I feel lost, weak, not up to the challenge. "You mean, I die and the Allspark is stuck in the body of a Decepticon?"

Patchwork nods. Silently the question lingers in the room: What will become of him when I am no longer here? What will happen to the other Autobots when the Allspark falls into Megatron's servos?

"This is a tough decision", Patchwork agrees and strokes my hand. My stomach tingles pleasantly. "I accept it, whichever way you choose." I bet they told him something else to tell me.

I don't know what else to say. This time everything seems so hopeless that I lack the will to find another way out. This touch through the barrier is all I have at the moment, not enough to calm me down completely, but at least I find a light sleep through it. Perhaps the next day will bring me a solution.

Light dream images pushed their way into my mind. I found myself in a dark place and thought at first that someone had turned off the light in the prison, but I saw myself clearly - and the glass ball that surrounded me, that held me captive. Patchwork stood before it, still at the same distance as I remembered him. From the outside, he placed the servos on the glass with a yearning, as sad as his gaze was, so unreachably far away.

Then the picture turned and I saw the scene from his perspective. Now he was trapped in the glass ball, the servos still placed against it. I was now outside, the only one there, the only one who could help him.

He stayed in the glass ball when the view switched back to me. I wanted so much to help him, those longing blue optics, so they wouldn't look at me like that anymore. I opened my chest and took out my spark. I held it out to him with the intention of burning a hole in the glass.

But from somewhere Megatron's disembodied arm appeared out of the darkness and took my spark before it reached the glass. Sadly, I looked after him as my dying body sank to the ground.

Megatron comes to the prison the next morning and sees us both sitting there, still holding hands through the barrier.

"How adorable," he comments, and only Patchwork's touch keeps me from bursting into flaming hatred.

Megatron expands a servo in my direction. "Come."

I look at Patchwork and want to say something, but I can't make a sound. He nods at me understandingly and releases our touch. Immediately I feel worse. When I leave the room and can no longer see what is happening to him, it is almost unbearable. I have to be strong and pull myself together.

Megatron takes me to his quarters. With a threatening sound, the door behind me cuts off the escape route.

"Are you tired, little one?" he asks as I blink into the bright light. I feel battered and have hardly slept. "Tz, I didn't even touch the little one," he notices with a smile. Megatron in a good mood is unbearable. I urgently have to do something about it as soon as I'm back on my height and come up with something suitable.

"Are you hungry?" Yes, I am, but Megatron sent me a cookie and a cup of tea. Tea and a cookie! That can't be good.

He lifts me up to his desk and sits down with a cup of Energon. I wolf down that cookie before I lose my appetite. Which he calmly observes.

When I finish, he takes the cup from my hand and puts it aside. "I'm putting you in stasis now. What I'm about to tell you is not suitable for newsparks."

My system shuts down, all sensors go offline. I am human, a helpless, intimidated human. I automatically reach towards my chest where the screwdriver is. At least Patchwork is reasonably safe as long as Megatron here is busy with me.

"I assume you are familiar with the human reproductive process."

I can feel myself turning red. This has never been a topic with any Cybertronian. What makes him think that? Even the thought of talking to Megatron about it makes me uncomfortable.

"You'd be surprised," I answer cheekily, overplaying my insecurity, but that is not the point.

"There is a similar concept among Cybertronians, if you can call it that. Of course, it is not intended to produce offspring, as you may have noticed, Conmother." He emphasizes my Cybertronic name to allude to how often I had been around the factories and knew very well where the little protoforms came from.

Megatron grabs his chestplate, flips open the cover. I slide restlessly around. He must feel very confident when he exposes his holiest before me.

"There are several ways," he tells me. "Basically, many small physical stimuli cause small short circuits." He's pointing to some places in his inner life, but I don't see the connection. "This causes the voltage levels in the components to rise. Until the voltage reaches a point where it suddenly discharges. We call that overcharge."

"Uh, and you like that?" I ask like stupid.

Megatron shuts his spark chamber. "Watch this." He brings up a video on his screen where I can watch the whole process in its entirety. Like people, the reaction looks like a mixture of pleasure and pain. I can't help but think how pleasant it felt when Patchwork examined my machine parts with his tools and feel my cheeks begin to glow.

Holy Primus, I'm watching a cybertronic porn with Megatron. This is the strangest day of my life.

"Um ..." The moment that he picked me up comes to mind. "Are you telling me you liked it when I jammed the screwdriver into you?" Ew. I did it to Megatron. This is the worst day of my life.

He just laughs in response. I feel sick, but that's not the point either and fortunately he doesn't pursue the issue. Megatron continues: "You and your bonded. I take it from your reaction that you haven't gotten this close, yet."

I turn red and bite my tongue. "It is none of your business."

"Tch, tch." Megatron has his head supported by a servo. "How adorable, this young, inexperienced love. It would be so sad if anything were to interfere with this young happiness."

What does that mean now, I wonder, while I'm already running down cold in a premonition.

Megatron bends over, securing my full attention. "You will join me and pledge me dominion over the Allspark. Or I will personally unleash an overcharge in him."

I can hardly believe my ears, is he serious? He would never agree to that, would he? It's wrong, it's so disgusting. No one touches Patchwork but me.

"Don't do that." I say that with complete objectivity, neither demanding nor pleading. Don't do it. "He repaired one of your people because he only wants what's best for everyone, no matter what the person did. He's the kindest creature I've ever met and he doesn't deserve this."

"And I'll make you watch." It doesn't matter to him whether Patchwork deserved it or not. "You have resisted me long enough. It's time for you to make sacrifices for others."

"This is completely inappropriate. What did he do to you?" It's so wrong that I don't know what to say. What if Patchwork doesn't want it? Is it as traumatic as it is for humans in that case? You can't do that to that cinnamon roll.

"You have no idea how far I would go to save my species."

As usual, Megatron waits a second, time to give him what he wants, but I don't. I'm still too captivated by the thought I can't allow neither one nor the other.

"I will give you some time to reconsider your decision," he decides and rises. "Come."

I jump down from the table. Megatron wakes Sparkling and allows me to go back to the storage or wherever it takes me as long as it is not the prison. As I breathe the air of the corridor, I feel as if I'd almost suffocated in Megatron's quarters.

Nothing happens yet, or I don't know about it. I don't know what to do. I told myself I'd never let them hurt Patchwork. But if I join them, the problems just start. It's not like he'll be safe. If I were them, I would continue to hold him captive to have some leverage over me and it would be better to realize that there is nothing I can do for him and stay strong. But at what cost? He's the last person who deserves suffering.

Towards evening everyone is called into the hangar - the tailgate is closed - where several Decepticons have already gathered comfortably when I arrive. They sit together for small talk and energon snacks. When I come in, a few of them greet me in a joyful and amused manner, but I ignore them and look around for a place to sit down. Preferably neither to someone who knows me well enough to annoy me, nor to someone who doesn't know me and is bothering me with annoying questions.

My gaze wanders over Starscream, who seizes the moment and beckons me. I ignore him - forget it, I'd rather talk to the door lock. But his optics are ominously narrowing and he sends "This is not a plea."

Okay, okay, I don't want to mess with him and I get close. Starscream is sitting between two more seekers that look just like him. Starscream-blue and Starscream-purple.

"By the way, these are Thundercracker and Skywarp," Starscream introduces them, so I don't get a chance to use the great nicknames I just made up for them. "The other two seekers from my trine."

"They look like you made copies of yourself and dropped them into your paint pots," I comment, wondering if I may go now. Yes, I said he had no friends, now he introduced them to me, lesson learned, are we done?

Thundercracker gets up and bends over to take a better look at me. "This is the human who causes us so much trouble? Looks harmless."

He wants to poke me with his digit. I extend my tail, ready to fight, and snarl, "Touch me and I'll kill you!"

He laughs. "You sound like Megatron took over your education."

That confuses me. What's he talking about? "No. Megatron says, 'I'll wipe out your species'. Starscream says, 'I dare you,' or 'get in line'. 'I'll kill you,' says each of you tin cans." I see where I made my mistake. "Of course, Megatron says the species extinction part only to me."

"Enough," Starscream decides. "It's almost time.

I'll take a safe distance so I can react in time if Thundercracker comes near me again. What a jerk. There I crouch down on the floor and ignore his whispering with Skywarp.

While I still imagine what this gathering might be about, a big screen is coming down, which reminds me of a cinema. Immediately the conversations fall silent.

My breathing stops. Oh, no, doesn't. He can't do that. This isn't really happening.

The transmission from Megatron's quarters appears on the screen. Patchwork is with him. They've just entered and Megatron is pointing with a dominant gesture towards the door opposite. Patchwork is visibly uncomfortable. He steps from one leg to the other, just like when Ratchet gave him the order to interrogate me for him, even though he didn't want to do it. Only the picture is transmitted, no sound.

No, no, that's not what I'm thinking.

I'm sending to Megatron on the public channel as calmly as I can: "Don't do this."

There's no response, except for the gloating comments that swell up around me. Instead, Starscream turns to me. "He's only listening to private communications so you won't whine to him on the radio module all the time. Let me know if you give in to his demands."

They enter Megatron's bathroom. Megatron with a big gesture gives Patchwork the command to get in the shower on the grate. Judging by the movements of the mouthplates, Patchwork talks to him for a while before he obeys and Megatron turns on the shower.

I feel sick. I look around for the exits, but the doors are closed and with the amount of Cons here I'll never make it out. But there's got to be something I can do, right?

Ripcord, who is also in the hall, shows some discomfort. Nighthawk whispers something to him and points to me, but I hardly notice them.

Panic and fear cloud my senses, I can't think of anything. Besides, I can't take my eyes off the screen anymore when Megatron approaches the little Autobot with a cleaning cloth. I have to see what happens, have to watch over him, even if there is nothing I can do about it.

Patchwork flinches when Megatron touches him with the cloth and starts to scrub him all over. My stomach turns around and I feel like I could throw up at any moment.

A small stone hits me at the head. "Ouch." No, it's a little Energon snack that Thundercracker threw at me to get my attention.

I angrily glare at him and rub my aching spot.

"Conmother, what's wrong with you?" he asks and I'm still too self-absorbed to understand what he means. "I would never let anyone touch my bonded like that."

That leaves me speechless. What's that canned twit thinking about?

"Thank you, darling" is the ironic comment from Skywarp. "Not that I would ever give anyone the opportunity."

I'm thinking about throwing the snack back, but I might as well throw cotton balls at him and just give him his ammo back. So I just give him the middle finger and turn my back to him so he can't see the desperation on my face.

After the shower it does not get any better. They take place on Megatron's berth and I swear that I won't have any fingernails to chew on before the end of the night. In desperation I extend my tail and chew on its tip. Megatron is more than twice the size of Patchwork, which looks lost next to him, the power gap resembles an abyss.

Megatron gets in close contact with Patchwork and nestles up against his back. I feel like crying. Patchwork feels visibly uncomfortable and turns on his back to minimize the contact area.

Thundercracker gloatingly asks, "Conmother, is this his first time?"

"Go make love to yourself." That's none of their business.

He laughs. "Unlike you, I have another option."

"I'll kill you!" Before he knows it, I'll jump up and transform.

Helmets turn to us. And it's obviously hard for them to decide between the action here and on the screen.

I sprint towards Thundercracker to climb him. The world of terror is on its way.

"Grab her tail, grab her tail!" hails Skywarp, but otherwise doesn't bother to intervene.

Thundercracker lifts me up by my tail so that I dangle helplessly. "I'll kill you all," I yell as I lash out in a fierce fight. I try to reach him by swinging, but he's too far away.

Just as I am about to climb up to his arm by my own tail, his other servo grips me like a vise. The blue seeker says, "Get a grip, or we'll miss the show."

"Fuck the show!"

I'm writhing in his grip with all my might, but I might as well be fighting a mountain.

"Give her to me," Starscream now intervenes. But other than calling him a "bastard" and glaring at him, there's nothing I can do and I'm being professionally handed over. Starscream's grip is less tight, but just as unyielding.

"You know I told my people all about you, all your weaknesses?"

He calmly carries me a few steps away and settles down. Patiently he waits until I tire myself out, then I transform back and sink desperately and exhausted in his grip.

With an almost gentle voice he says softly: "I told you that you didn't want us to be your enemies. There's only one way to end this."

I am on the verge of tears and try to keep my voice in check. "It's not fair. He has absolutely nothing to do with what I did."

"Calm down. Megatron doesn't do anything that's not fit for a newspark, or he would have put you in stasis first. Although," he's gloating, "he could give me an order to do that anytime. If he gets hungry."

"Bastard! I'll kill you." I'm sobbing. No one takes me seriously.

But it looks like it's all over because there's no movement in the picture. The conversations pick up again, some Cons leave the hall to go to recharge. Even the screen seems to fall asleep and the picture fades.

Soon Starscream dares to drop me off, but I remain sitting in the hall, unable to avert my eyes from the screen. Must pay attention, must watch over Patchwork. I can't sleep anyway, as agitated as I am.

Maybe I nodded away for a moment, because suddenly the screen is disappeared and Megatron enters the hall to pick me up.

"What a polite, cooperative machine, unlike you." He smiles contentedly at the sight of me. Have I been crying? In any case, I'm sure I look exhausted and overtired.

"Unlike you, you mean, bastard!"

"Watch your tongue." With a servo movement, my lungs tense up and I gasp for air. I try to calm myself down, try to control my breathing. The air is there, why can't I breathe? I grab my neck, I get dizzy. With a theatrical servo movement Megatron lifts the blockage and I gasp for air. "Come. Let's go talk to an old friend." He leaves the hall and I hurry to follow him.

In his command room, he orders me to wait by the side. He's establishing a channel of communication with someone. I can't see with whom from here, but I know that voice.

After a few words of I don't want to call it a greeting, Megatron stretches out a servo to me. "Come here."

I get up from the crouching position I had taken to wait and doze and slowly approach, a déjà vu overcomes me. The screen shows Optimus' face. This has happened exactly like this before. What do they want from me this time? Now I'm standing next to Megatron and can't stand the intense gaze from Optimus' blue optics, so I look at the bottom of the screen.

"Sara. Seldra. How are you?"

I don't make a sound and I take a side glance at Megatron as if to ask, what is this about?

"I allow you to speak to Prime," explains Megatron. "Answer."

No, we're not all right. Megatron captured Patchwork to blackmail me, because I told him about him. If I'd kept my mouth shut, at least he'd be all right. But I can't say that, nothing that happens here I can ever tell him.

"Um, can you get Patchwork out of here?"

Optimus takes a long time before he responds, and every second that passes, I get colder. Which means he's about to say no. Damn, and I lowered my guard for this.

"We'll get you out as soon as we can. It may take a while."

Then it'll be too late. "How about today? Would it be faster if you only got Patchwork out? It would really matter."

I can feel Megatron's optics burning in my neck. Or gloating. I don't dare to look.

Again, Optimus needs time before he answers. I can see how hard it is for him, but that doesn't help me. This long pause means no, I know the answer before he says it: "I can't put anyone in danger by rushing into action. Seldra, hold on. We'll find a way to get you out of this." Of course, he said that last time, but nothing, I had to help myself.

"Okay", I reply, and actually mean I don't believe a word you say. It's hard for me to hide my disappointment. Are we finally finished? I say silently with glances.

I step out of the picture while Optimus follows me with his optics. Not even saying goodbye to him, I can't. There is no reunion and there is no goodbye.

Megatron seems content. Optimus turns to him again. "Of all the Autobots, this one has earned your hatred the least."

Who, unmoved, replies, "War is a dirty business, isn't it? Explain to me how anyone can want that. Offer me your unconditional surrender, and I'll consider releasing him."

Without waiting for an answer, he cuts the connection. The answer is always the same. There was the third way, the higher power coming from the outside to save us, but it doesn't. We are on our own.

Megatron turns to me with a gloating smile. I can't stand his good mood. "Prime will never allow me to unite Cybertron under my flag, rather he accepts the annihilation of our species. He will not help you."

I sigh long before I open my mouth again. It takes a great deal of effort for the words to come out of my mouth. "I ... will consider your offer. I ... would like to discuss it with my bonded."

Megatron is suspiciously narrowing the optics. "Really?" He steps up to me, nudges my cheek, turning my head sideways, yet I resist his gaze. "I don't like your look at all. This is how you always look right before you do something stupid that you think is a good idea."

I'm trying to put on a stony face. "What do you want me to do? After all, your offer concerns him too, so I'd like to talk to him about it."

He's probably consulting Sparkling right now, but it has no idea what I might be up to either. Last time, it hadn't woken up yet.

"Very well," Megatron agrees. "I'll give you two kliks of time, that should be enough to reach a conclusion."

Patchwork sits sunken in his cell, but straightens up as soon as we enter. When he sees me, he lights up.

"Seldra, good to see you, how are you?" He's genuinely happy to see me, yet I can feel him hiding his true feelings from me so as not to worry me. Does he know that we were all watching? I can't tell him, there's no time for that anyway.

Megatron stops at some distance, far enough away that I can give in to the illusion of talking to Patchwork alone, but close enough that he can listen in. He lifts his servo with two digits extended upwards. Two kliks. No idea how long that is. Not long by experience.

"How I am? How are you?"

"I'm fine. Megatron was ... kind." I'm hanging my head. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. No, I can't do that, then Patchwork's here all alone.

One digit goes down.

"Um ..." I shilly-shally. "Megatron told me what he would do to you if I don't join him." Even whispered, I can barely get the words out. "He said he would cause an overcharge in you."

Patchwork looks at me confused. "Um, is that a bad thing?" Shit, that's what I thought.

The second digit lowers. "Come," says Megatron. "Your time is up."

"Wait, wait!" I nearly scream, "I have something important to tell him. About his brother M-426237."

Megatron stops. Of course he knows my babysitter's name, but he didn't realize he had a brother, a sort of Autobot, too. "You are trying my patience."

Patchwork listens up, too.

"I did something bad to him. I'm the only one who knows what happened to him. They think he's in some kind of stasis. He's alive, but he's unresponsive. He'll never get up again."

"What have you done?" Patchwork whispers, moving closer to the barrier. Not accusing, but curious, slightly shaken, but ready to forgive me for everything. He can fix anything - except that.

"I installed an infinite loop in his memory. Normally I give it a time limit, but on my escape I forgot it."

"What kind of infinite loop?" He's getting closer.

"Like this." My tail speeds up, snakes through a gap in the barrier. Patchwork falls to the ground before Megatron can intervene.

I stand there, contemplating my work, and the world stands still. I am the most horrible person in the world, and yet I only did this to save my bonded from worse.

"What have you done?" Megatron is as shocked as I am by what I have done. "This is your bonded. The most important creature in your little universe.

"Yes," I reply like I don't care. "Patchwork has left the game. Whatever happens now, he won't notice. Now we'll settle this between us again." I feel so bad, like I buried him myself.

"Fine, have it your way."

All of a sudden, I'm getting incredibly tired. Megatron accesses my system and puts me to sleep. I'm fighting it, and I can just hear him commanding a few Cons: "Take the Autobot to Knock Out to wake him up. And you ..."

I don't even hear what he's saying to me anymore. At least he's not in a good mood anymore. That was unbearable.

When I wake up, I have no idea how much time has passed. I feel like I've been asleep for so long that the habit alone makes me tired. I am so in a sleep-wake-coma, as if awakened from a deep sleep into which I could fall back at any moment.

I'm having a déjà vu. Darkly, I remember waking up in the med bay just like this. Starscream stood over me and slowly applauded. "Congratulations, Sparkling. I almost thought we finally got you, but you found a way out again. Well, won't help you for long."

"Fuck off."

"Your resistance is with honor. But this time, if you continue to resist, you give up. You give him up. If you want to continue fighting, join us."

Now Knock Out is standing in front of me with a bottle of water. "Drink."

The machine is offline. Yeah, after what I did, I wouldn't trust me with it either. Anyway, I can't check my readings and I have to resort to conventional means. My tongue sticks to the dry palate and my arms tremble with weakness as I pick up the bottle. "I told Megatron he has to activate the hibernation module when he puts me to sleep for extended periods of time. Otherwise, I will continue to need nourishment and my body will deteriorate."

"That's the whole point," explains Knock Out. "Drink."

I give him a nasty look and drink. As I do so, I look around the med bay and see Megatron standing nearby in silence. There I am, a small, weak human and they have to use dirty tricks to weaken me further. How ridiculous.

When I have finished drinking, Knock Out takes the bottle away from me. Immediately I feel my system coming up and my eyes fall close.

I must be dreaming again that I wake up in the med bay and look at Patchwork. What a beautiful dream.

"Seldra." He leans over me.

I put one hand on his cheek. "It's good to see you again. I'm sorry I had to shut you down. You'll never wake up again, but I didn't know how else to protect you."

"I am real," he tells me in a soft voice. "You are awake."

My system is offline. I look around the med bay, terrified. Yes, this is real. "That's impossible. Why are you here?"

"I told you I could fix anything," he proudly explains. "A concurrent thread cut the power to my memory and rebooted it." That little cinnamon roll is really something. Breaks my blockage by disassembling himself. Crap.

"Is everything okay? Did Megatron touch you??" I feel sick with fear and there's nothing I can do to protect him. Except one thing.

"I managed to get Megatron to hold off until you woke up. Because your punishment doesn't make sense if you don't notice it."

As called the one steps out of the background. "Your three kliks are up. Come, little Autobot. Knock Out, bring Conmother."

I don't have the strength to protest when Patchwork follows Megatron out. I fall to the ground, wait for the colored spots to disappear before my eyes, so I can follow them.

I drag myself after them and stumble into the hall where the Decepticons have gathered again. Still in half sleep-wake coma, I feel unable to make sense of it.

Patchwork moves nervously, constantly looking around. I want to go to him, but Megatron stands between us.

"You look so weak, Conmother." Megatron spreads his servo to me, holding a cookie between his thumb and fore-digit.

I'm starved, my fat reserves are exhausted, my blood sugar level is in the basement - no, it's so low that it's touching the treetops under the spaceship. The appetizing smell of the light, freshly baked cookie dough, the thought of the crunchy chocolate pieces that spread their full-bodied aroma in my mouth after a short moment of resistance, make my digestive system scream and beg for just one bite.

But thinking of Patchwork makes me lose my appetite. "No, thanks."

Megatron gives me a moment to reconsider my decision, then he makes the cookie disappear and gives Patchwork a sign. "Autobot. Step forward."

Unsteady, Patchwork takes a few steps towards the center of the hall, everybody looks at him.

"Don't do this," I whisper to Megatron.

Who calmly replies, "You made the choice I gave you, if your underdeveloped brain remembers. Autobot, open your spark chamber."

Patchwork obeys nervously. He fiddles with his cover and the blue spark shines into the room.

As if by magic, my legs move, carrying me into the open space. "No. No, you win. Leave Patchwork alone, I'll join you."

"You attacked your bonded. None of my people would ever do anything so vile." The implication freezes in me like ice. Megatron refuses to let me join? What am I supposed to do now?

Patchwork whispers, "You don't have to do this for me."

Maybe Megatron is right: I am a bad person. I wanted to protect Patchwork, so I did a terrible thing to him instead of doing the right thing from the start.

I turn to the brown mechanic. "I love you. I'm sorry for what I did to you." Then I turn to Megatron.

Yeah, I know, the natural impulse in a situation like this is to beg for what you want so badly, to throw yourself at the hem of the skirt of the person who can give it to you. But I resist the urge. Megatron hates begging because it shows weakness. "I once promised you I would never beg for mercy, but I don't know what else I can do to convince you. I will be better. I will raise armies for you. I will burn down cities for you. What do you want me to do? Say it, I'll do anything for you." It's the only way I see. Just state my case objectively, what I'm offering him - he already knows what I want - and let him decide.

I feel so small and unworthy. The Decepticons are savoring the moment to see me backed into a corner. Especially Megatron lets me wait and the longer the silence lasts, the more sure I am that he will refuse. He takes a meaningful look at Patchwork. "You do indeed have some making up to do." Megatron signals the Autobot to close the spark chamber and to step aside. In anticipation of the pain that awaits me, my heart begins to race, half in relief that my request has apparently been accepted.

Before he leaves, Patchwork whispers: "It will be all right. I'll be close to you."

"Kneel down." I bend the knee, like I saw Ripcord doing. Megatron raises the word to the room: "I accept your offer and am ready to welcome you into our ranks. Repeat after me."

I expect to recite the same lines as Ripcord, but for me, Megatron has changed them. With every syllable that comes from my lips, I find it easier to speak. The words settle in my mind and will guide me from now on.

"I acknowledge the Cybertronians as my species and promise to be faithful and a good Decepticon to Megatron. I will use both my spark and the Allspark to help us reclaim power on Cybertron with all the necessary consequences. I acknowledge Cybertron as my homeworld and will destroy all those who have driven us from it. Surrender is not an option."

I shout out that last sentence. I have always lived by that mantra.

Megatron brings out the branding iron. "Stand up." Megatron steps to me. Wait a second.

"Um, shouldn't I transform for this?"

He smiles. "No, I want your human side. The machine is already mine. Take off your clothes."

I nestle around my top and look at the glowing metal. Hopefully Megatron went down a few degrees for me.

When he puts the sign on my naked skin, I feel like a sun exploding on my chest.

I wake up on the floor, this time bent over, with both knees on the ground, hands supporting. It feels as if he had burned a hole in my upper body and I don't dare to look. Patchwork kneels beside me to stand by me and take care of my injury. He whispers something to me, but next to the sun in my chest I hardly notice him.

Megatron says a few last words to the audience as I sink to the ground. Because at the end of the day, one has to stand, one has to fall and others move up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, by the way, you are adopted. And you're grounded. And I pay all the damage you caused from your pocket money.


End file.
